For many Nepali women, the most dangerous place to be is their own home. Recent data paints a harrowing picture of domestic abuse, with 528 spousal deaths recorded over the past six years. In the current fiscal year alone, 68 women were killed by their husbands. From the brutal killing of Ishwari Bhujel, a warrant officer in the Nepali Army, struck down with a metal rod, to the discovery of Jamuna Nepali’s decomposed body in Pokhara, these cases are a damning indictment of a society where domestic disputes are routinely permitted to escalate into homicide. Nepal is witnessing a systemic failure where ‘minor domestic disputes’ are, in fact, the preamble to a death certificate.

The crisis is exacerbated by a culture of silence that, paradoxically, is most acute in Nepal’s urban centres. One might expect higher literacy and economic independence in the Kathmandu Valley to foster greater resistance to abuse. The reality is the opposite. According to a news report, urban women are less likely to file formal complaints due to the fear of losing social stature. Domestic violence is frequently swept under the rug to preserve a facade of respectability, leaving victims drenched in trauma. When survivors find the courage to speak, they are often met with victim-blaming on social media and in society, which serves only to embolden the perpetrator and silence the next victim.

The root of this violence is found in the intersection of crumbling social structures and a resilient, toxic patriarchy. Experts note that as the traditional joint family system dissolves into nuclear units, the ‘active oversight’ and ‘moral control’ once provided by the community have vanished, leaving volatile relationships to fester in private. Furthermore, as women become more empowered, educated, and aware of their bodily autonomy, there is a violent pushback from a patriarchal society that struggles to accept them as equals. This ‘personality of the perpetrator’ is often forged in childhood, where boys are not taught to respect women and instead imitate the aggressive behaviours they witness at home. When this is combined with the modern pressures of financial instability and the culture of mistrust bred by social media and extramarital suspicion, the results are increasingly fatal.

The police, tasked with protection, often act as amateur mediators rather than enforcers of the law, frequently advising couples to ‘settle’ rather than pursue legal recourse. This dismissive attitude was tragically evident in the case of Ishwari Bhujel, who had filed a complaint prior to her murder, only to be told to resolve the issue herself. Moreover, while the government has established 94 One-stop Crisis Management Centres (OCMCs) across the country to provide free health, legal and psycho-social services, these facilities remain a well-kept secret. It is an irony that the resources intended to save lives are largely unknown to those who need them most.

The state must stop viewing spousal homicide as a series of isolated tragedies and start seeing it as the outcome of a society that prizes social respectability over life. We must ensure that every woman is safe both at home and outside. The solution requires rigorous, unbiased implementation of regulations and a fundamental shift in how our society views such cases. First, the police must immediately stop the ‘settlement’ of domestic violence cases. Violence is a crime which cannot be addressed through mere negotiation. Second, the government needs to launch awareness campaigns to de-stigmatise case reporting and publicise the existence and encourage the use of the OCMC services. The state must invest in improving the mental health of the people, ensuring that counselling is available to address the mental stress that drives violent tendencies. Finally, the education system must be designed to upend the gendered upbringing of children, teaching boys that respect is the foundation for any relationship.