When a household has a child who needs extra attention or care due to their disability, their sibling often gets overlooked by the people around them, especially parents. That child learns to become hyperindependent, which, in turn, results in them being ‘easy’ to raise, when, in reality, their needs remain suppressed. The term used to describe them is ‘glass child’.

The glass is a facade to show their parents that they are doing well. Under the glass, emotional neglect starts to reveal itself through different emotional and behavioural patterns.

To discuss the mental well-being and ways in which glass children can take care of themselves, Aastha Lakhe, a psychological counsellor, shares her perspective.

Why do you think the term ‘glass child’ is used to refer to people who have siblings with disabilities?

The term ‘glass child’ is symbolic. It refers to children who grow up with siblings carrying disabilities or chronic illnesses and often feel that their parents look through them rather than at them, almost as if they are made of glass.

In many families, the child with greater medical or developmental needs understandably receives more attention, care, and emotional energy. Over time, the other child may quietly learn to step back and become ‘the easy one’. They may stop asking for help and not express their needs.

Children are incredibly perceptive. Even when parents never say it out loud, they can sense when their role in the family is to be the one who does not need much. The term does not suggest a lack of love from parents. It acknowledges a dynamic in which one child gradually becomes emotionally invisible while trying to support the family system.

Is ‘glass child’ a psychological diagnosis or more of a social term?

The term is not a clinical diagnosis in psychology. It is more of a social and descriptive term that has emerged through research, advocacy, and the experiences of families who are raising children with disabilities. The purpose of the term is awareness. It gives people a way to talk about an emotional experience that often remains unnoticed.

From a psychological perspective, we usually observe patterns such as emotional suppression, early maturity, or children learning to minimise their own needs to keep the family functioning smoothly. Emotional needs are not a competition within a family. One child needing more medical or developmental support does not mean another child needs less emotional attention.

What are the common emotional traits you observe in glass children?

Many glass children appear very mature for their age. They are often responsible, empathetic, and highly sensitive to others’ emotions. These traits can be beautiful strengths, but sometimes they develop because the child has learnt to prioritise everyone else first. It is very common for them to struggle with asking for help or to feel guilty when they want attention.

Some become extremely independent because they believe their parents already have enough to deal with. Others suppress feelings like frustration or jealousy because they think those emotions are unfair given their sibling’s situation. Many glass children grow up believing that being low maintenance is the same as being strong.

How does growing up feeling ‘invisible’ affect self-esteem in adulthood?

When a child repeatedly feels unseen or unheard, it can slowly influence how they see themselves. As adults, many glass children believe that their needs are less important than others’. This can show up as people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or hesitation when asking for support.

Some also feel uncomfortable receiving praise or attention because it feels unfamiliar. At the same time, many of these individuals develop remarkable empathy and emotional intelligence. The challenge is helping them realise that their worth is not determined by how little space they take up. Sometimes the quietest child in the room is the one carrying the most emotional weight.

How can a parent identify that their child could possibly be a glass child?

The signs are often subtle. Parents may notice that the child rarely complains or avoids asking for attention, even when something clearly bothers them. They might say “it’s okay” very quickly or try to comfort their parents instead of expressing their own feelings.

Some children also take on responsibilities that seem unusually mature for their age. They may try to help manage situations involving their sibling or work hard to avoid creating additional stress within the household. One thing I often tell parents is to pay attention to the quiet child in the room. Silence can sometimes indicate that a child has learnt their needs should stay in the background.

Do these children have less developed relationships with their parents and siblings as they grow up?

Not necessarily, but the relationships can become emotionally layered. Many glass children grow up with deep empathy for their siblings and may even become their strongest advocates. At the same time, they may carry unspoken feelings of hurt or resentment if their own emotional needs were consistently overlooked.

With parents, the relationship can involve love and understanding alongside a quiet feeling that something was missing during childhood. What I often notice is that these individuals do not want to blame their parents because they understand the circumstances. Instead, they carry mixed emotions. They care deeply for their family, but sometimes wish they had been seen a little more.

How can parents try to prioritise glass children’s mental and emotional needs while still caring for their other child who needs more attention?

One of the most meaningful things parents can do is create intentional moments where the other child feels individually seen. This might be simple one-on-one time, regular conversations about their day, or showing genuine interest in their achievements and feelings.

Small acknowledgements can have a powerful impact. What many of these children needed growing up was actually quite simple. They needed someone to notice them and say, “I see you too.” It is also important that they are not expected to take on a permanent caregiving role. Children should not feel responsible for holding the family together.

What therapeutic approaches work best for them?

Therapy often focuses on helping glass children reconnect with their own emotions and identity. Person-centred therapy can be very effective because it provides a safe space where people feel heard and understood. Many of them are not used to being the primary focus of attention.

Cognitive behavioural therapy can also help challenge beliefs such as “my needs do not matter” or “I should always put others first.” For younger children, expressive therapies like play therapy can help emotions surface naturally. Glass children often grow into deeply empathetic adults. The goal of therapy is not to remove that empathy but to help them extend the same compassion to themselves.

How can glass children practise putting themselves first in non-household scenarios as well? Suggest some day-to-day activities.

Learning to prioritise themselves can feel uncomfortable at first because many glass children are used to adjusting their needs to accommodate others. Small daily practices can help shift this mindset gradually. This could include choosing activities they genuinely enjoy, such as reading, painting, exercising, or spending time with friends.

Practising boundaries is also important. For example, saying they are unavailable when they feel overwhelmed or allowing themselves to rest without feeling guilty. Journaling can help them reconnect with their own emotions and preferences. Even small decisions like choosing what they want to eat rather than adjusting to everyone else can reinforce the idea that their voice matters.