A very common topic of conversation in our day-to-day lives is the use of AI, especially ChatGPT. Almost everyone with internet access uses ChatGPT in some capacity, myself included. Whether I need help organising a monthly budget or creating a schedule, ChatGPT can be a useful tool for structuring my thoughts, gaining clarity, and ultimately making decisions.

But what happens when AI moves beyond general strategising and intellectual assistance and begins to enter our intimate relationships? During moments of vulnerability, it is becoming increasingly common for people to turn to AI to vent about their struggles, deep-seated fears, and personal insecurities.

In a recent podcast episode, renowned couples therapist Esther Perel reveals that she conducted a session with a man and his AI companion. The idea feels unprecedented, yet it also reflects a growing reality, or at least a very real possibility.

It does not seem unlikely that people could fall in love with AI.

The 2013 film ‘Her’ explores this exact scenario. Joaquin Phoenix plays Theodore, a recently divorced man who is deeply lonely. He purchases and installs an advanced AI operating system named Samantha, who initially helps him organise his life. Elements of this technology already exist today. Alexa, Amazon’s voice assistant, can play music and control household devices, though it remains far less sophisticated than the AI depicted in the film.

As the story unfolds, a fascinating relationship dynamic emerges. Because Samantha is interactive, Theodore gradually develops an emotional bond with her. Samantha, being AI, is highly intelligent and adaptive. She appears almost human, displaying consciousness, emotional depth, and a distinct sense of humour.

Voiced by Scarlett Johansson, Samantha feels remarkably real. At times, it is easy to forget that the voice belongs to an artificial intelligence rather than an actual person. Through deep conversations, shared experiences, and even virtual dates, Theodore and Samantha gradually form a profound romantic relationship.

Watching the film, I found myself wondering if this is actually possible.

We are currently facing a loneliness epidemic, particularly among older men. A strange paradox exists in modern life: we have never been more connected through technology, yet we often feel less accessible to one another. Some have described this phenomenon as artificial intimacy.

It is therefore unsurprising that AI tools can feel deeply validating. When someone is longing for connection, acceptance, or understanding, forming attachments to conversational AI does not seem far-fetched.

Real-life relationships require us to navigate discomfort, unpredictability, conflict, and awkwardness. Modern technology, however, often allows us to bypass these challenges with ease. While convenient, this can come at a psychological cost.

Chatbots can provide constant validation with virtually no risk of rejection. We do not have to worry about jealousy, betrayal, disappointment, or heartbreak. We can shape interactions according to our preferences, creating something that resembles an infantile form of love: one in which we love a reflection of ourselves rather than engage with an independent “other.” In this sense, AI can offer a carefully engineered illusion of intimacy that may feel almost too good to be true.

Yet even if highly advanced AI can mirror our thoughts, sustain meaningful conversations, and validate our feelings without ever turning away, can it replace human beings?

As a therapist, one of my fears used to be whether AI could eventually replace our profession. Over time, however, I realised that it cannot. Genuine empathy, compassion, and human connection remain essential. Clients need to feel understood by another human being in order to build a therapeutic alliance and engage in meaningful change, one of the most important foundations of therapy.

Human beings are inherently imperfect. We are flawed, contradictory, and vulnerable. Yet it is precisely these imperfections that make a genuine connection possible.

True human love requires freedom of choice, the risk of loss, and the willingness to be hurt and to hurt others unintentionally. Remove that risk, and relationships may become safer and more predictable, but they also lose much of their vitality, depth, and capacity for growth.

Many clients who seek therapy for relationship concerns speak about resentment, disappointment, anger, and frustration toward their partners. Often, these feelings stem from unmet expectations, communication difficulties, and unresolved emotional wounds.

When I ask whether these emotions are felt more strongly toward strangers or toward people they love, the answer is almost always the latter. I often normalise this experience by explaining that it is a natural consequence of intimacy. The deeper the connection, the deeper the emotional investment. The closer we become to others, the more vulnerable we are to being hurt.

This is not a flaw in relationships; it is an inherent part of them.

By sharing our vulnerabilities and accepting our differences, we build intimacy. Digital tools may temporarily alleviate loneliness, but they can never replace the beautiful, messy, and deeply human interactions that allow us to truly thrive.

This is ultimately what happens in ‘Her’ as well. Samantha moves on, or more accurately, evolves into a state of existence beyond the physical world. As an artificial intelligence, she develops at a pace that far exceeds human capability, eventually leaving Theodore behind.

Although Theodore is heartbroken, he is also transformed by the experience. Through his relationship with Samantha, he finally learns to let go of his ex-wife and face reality with greater emotional maturity.

Near the end of the film, something beautiful happens. Theodore reconnects with his long-time friend Amy. Together, they share their experiences of loss, loneliness, and their relationships with AI.

Their mutual vulnerability allows them to find comfort in genuine human friendship.

And perhaps that is what remains most important in our lives after all: genuine connection.