Men and marriage

We have witnessed drastic social changes in the country within the span of a decade. Men and marriage

Kumari Lama

Published at : May 7, 2014

Updated at : May 7, 2014 08:22

We have witnessed drastic social changes in the country within the span of a decade. The most obvious changes are the sprouting trend of brain drain and the sumptuous ways of celebrating each festival from Dashain to Teej. Apart from these changing patterns, there is another flabbergasting shift in the trend of marriage. It looks as if an invisible “on sale” tag has been stuck on every eligible bachelor’s forehead these days. Family members start advertising their son’s qualifications by circulating their oral bio-data and adding loads of qualities in them, like studied and staying in America (or Australia, Britain, Canada...), handsome earnings, stays far away from smoke and drink… blah blah…

One of my colleagues who is pursuing his PhD research in a university in Europe came back to Nepal for a month’s holiday and ended up getting married. His family had already circulated his CV before his arrival. His staying in Europe and doing PhD research were the main factors attracting the attention in our social market. His family was approached with numerous offers. He said yes to one of them. I don’t know how much he and his would-be bride got to know each other before their instant marriage.

Recently, I was in a get-together with some friends of mine who were holidaying here. After some pints of beer, one of my friends revealed that his mother had sent him a girl’s Facebook ID so he could add her to his friends’ list and chat with her. Wow! Moms have changed these days. They have already started talking to their future daughters-in-law and informing them about their sons. His mother had provided flowery details about him to the girl. My dear friend is undoubtedly qualified, he is an IT professional who studied in London and has a good job. But, of course, not that saintly (sorry).

After a few more pints of beer, my friend joked, “I have a high market value.” What a joke! Can a person have a price tag? It was a mere joke, but his joke made me sad as well as surprised. Even though it was a joke, his boast about his worth pinched me. An educated man like him is happy to advertise himself as an object! I felt sorry for his transformation into a commodity from a human being. I feel sorry for today’s eligible bachelors! Is it necessary to advertise them just to get married? I feel equally sorry for those parents who think themselves lucky to have their daughter marry somebody settled or studying abroad. May be they rush to chose a bridegroom settled abroad to make their daughter’s future secure. But have they ever tried to see beyond the curtain? Have they ever tried to find out about the type of life the foreign-settled man is living? And have they ever thought whether their daughter herself is capable of standing on her own feet?