How I wish I could go back in time and see the reaction of my parents, of my relatives, and everyone present at the moment of my birth. Were they happy? Probably not. Were they alarmed? Probably yes. Which family wants a girl, right?

I wonder what the first words they uttered were. I am sure they were, ‘Oh, this is wonderful news.’ They probably said, “It is okay. You can try next time.” They probably pitied my parents and my parents probably sulked.

A boy takes the family legacy forward. A girl loots her family. A boy brings money into the family. A girl takes away all the savings of her parents as soon as she gets married.

They probably consoled my parents that it was all going to be okay. And my parents probably comforted themselves too. ‘It is going to be okay.’ As if they had not given birth to a child, but to a burden.

Well, I cannot speak for others. But I assure you that my father was happy to have me. While I can tell that the others must have faked their excitement, my father was genuinely thrilled. While others probably fabricated their faces in unnecessary smiles, the eyes of my father gleamed with joy. When I landed, my father was not disappointed. I was his present and I would be his future.

I cannot say the same about my mother unfortunately. Caught up in dogma, she could never really accept me or celebrate me. She was haunted by the “What ifs” then and she’s haunted by the “What nows” now. She is always scared—scared of what others might say, of what others might do. Being a mother to a daughter is not something she was looking forward to.

She eventually went on to give birth to a baby boy five years after my birth. He was going to be her savior. Her mode of approval in the society. Her prestige.

It is unfortunate that even today, and even in my own family, gender inequality prevails and persists.

The choice is mine now. I can spend all my life listening to people who don’t really care about who I am and what I can be. Live by their rules. Comply with the dogma and become a people pleaser with no dreams. Or, I can become an independent woman who does what makes her happy and lives a fulfilling life.

I’ll be a rebel for as long as I need to. I’ll protest until I am acknowledged for who I am, and I am a woman, phenomenally.

Shree is a recent +2 graduate from SOS Hermann Gmeiner School, Pokhara