How often do we find ourselves thinking: “Can I do this? Is this even possible? Things always turn out badly for me.” This line of pessimistic thinking is not uncommon. We’ve all had moments like this at some point in our lives.

I used to be a huge pessimist during my teenage years. Perhaps it was my developing adolescent mind or my defeatist attitude, but I would hesitate to work on something. I often felt that whatever I did would not work out, so there was no point in trying.

Pessimism, as we know, carries significant risks for both our physical and mental health. Studies show that it contributes to increased stress, anxiety, and depression, and can even lead to heart disease and higher mortality.

It took me a long time to overcome this mindset. Through therapy, self-reflection, and my training as a therapist, I gained the insight necessary to move beyond it.

However, pessimistic thinking doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It often has roots in one’s environment. What kind of family did a person grow up in? What were their parents like? How did they respond to life’s challenges and obstacles? Significant life stressors such as the death of a loved one, abandonment, isolation, or lack of support can also shape a pessimistic worldview.

Experiences of trauma or abuse, whether physical, emotional, or sexual, leave lasting marks. Even constant rejection, disappointment, or prejudice can gradually lead to a cynical mentality.

At first, I assumed the solution was simple: just think positively. I told myself to be optimistic all the time. Optimism, after all, focuses on the good in every situation. Optimists expect positive outcomes and look for silver linings even when life doesn’t go their way.

But I soon realised it’s not that simple. Can we really be optimistic all the time? Is the world sunshine and rainbows? I found it hard to maintain constant optimism because, quite often, things didn’t work out. I failed. I made mistakes.

Pessimism, in fact, isn’t entirely unrealistic. It’s often grounded in reality. Ignoring the negative aspects of life can be just as deceptive as dwelling on them; both can be equally detrimental. If we downplay life’s challenges, we may create a false sense of security and fail to prepare for the difficulties that lie ahead.

Human beings are naturally wired with what psychologists call a ‘negativity bias’, the tendency to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This bias evolved as a survival mechanism. Early humans who paid more attention to danger were more likely to survive than those who didn’t.

It helps to see optimism and pessimism as opposite ends of a spectrum. On one side lies the pure pessimist, almost nihilistic and believing life has no purpose. On the other hand, the pure optimist is so detached from reality that they ignore real risks—a “classic delulu,” as we might jokingly say today.

The key, then, is balance. We shouldn’t ruminate endlessly on our negative thoughts, but we also shouldn’t lose touch with reality. The goal is to be optimistic while remaining prepared and organised for challenges that might arise.

The saying I live by now perfectly captures this: “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.” We can use pessimism productively to think through what might go wrong and create backup plans, while keeping our focus on the ideal outcome.

Another tool I rely on is gratitude. When I catch myself focusing too much on what’s going wrong, I make it a point to shift my attention to what’s going right. Listing my strengths, resources, and privileges helps ground me. Almost immediately, my stress decreases and I feel more empowered. Gratitude is powerful during crises because it reminds us that not everything is falling apart.

Mindfulness is another effective strategy. By focusing on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we can cultivate calmness and clarity. Observing our thoughts non-judgmentally enables us to see them as temporary mental events, rather than absolute truths. When we stop identifying with negative thoughts, they lose their grip on us.

Over time, I’ve learned that life’s setbacks aren’t meant to make us miserable; they’re growth opportunities. Every challenge I’ve faced, no matter how painful, has shaped who I am today. I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.

Both our happiest and hardest moments are temporary. Everything passes, and we return to our baseline, moving from one challenge to the next, growing each time.

Pessimism is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to control us. By practising realistic thinking, gratitude, and mindfulness, we can cultivate a healthy balance. The goal isn’t to silence pessimism but to make it our ally. Lean toward optimism, grounded in realism, and life becomes not only bearable but beautiful.