One can find compelling articles on the internet about why society loathes strong and independent women. It seems the article ‘Diplomacy versus glamour’ published in Kantipur on December 2, 2016 (Mangsir 10, 2073) provides strong evidence for it.

The first instinct was to avoid it. If one were to pelt stones at every instance, they would perhaps fill up an ocean. But as history bears witness, our dignified silence has been grossly misunderstood, and has cost us a lot. But it was also an affront to our collective conscience. So I had to speak up—for our institution, for the women who struggled and made things easier for us, for ourselves and for the women yet to come.

Second, when we are talking about a ‘woman’, we are not referring to some unicorn, or some abstract entity that is too incapacitated to think and bereft of feelings. That woman is a ‘person’, a concrete reality. That ‘woman’ is me.

My body, my pride

So, who owns my body?

Why do the photos of women wearing a bikini in big malls intentionally placed to excite and satisfy the male fantasy draw no flak, but when I do it of my own volition, it elicits unwarranted comments or even criticism? The very assumption behind it is that women’s bodies are for males to consume, and men are the ones to decide what we can and cannot do with our bodies or what we put on—whether it is the burqa or the bikini, it is the same story! It is a no brainer that such an attitude deeply undermines women’s agency and their ownership of their body.

Is ‘anga-pradarshan’ (bodily exposure) automatically associated with women? Is it not ‘anga-pradarshan’ if a man flaunts his bare chest and uploads it on social media? Sexualisation of women’s bodies is deeply entrenched in society. We are always made to feel like our bodies are on display like some kind of public art. And the burden of morality is so unfairly placed on women. It is quite jarring that we have different standards for men and women. But why do we need to be so anxious about hiding our bodies? Why do we need to be ashamed of breasts and buttocks and feel burdened by them—even when they impinge on and debilitate our very perception of self-identity?

As for beauty, nobody needs to feel apologetic for being beautiful. Had it not been for women’s beauty, we would have had a very different world history: wars have been fought for beautiful women; in Marxian thought, it proffers a strong foundation for capitalism; materialism in general and the fashion industry in particular thrive on it. Poetry and literature are filled with celebration of beauty and beautification of human emotions. And gods and goddesses we revere are exemplified as much for their beauty as for other virtues. So, tell me, do I need to feel apologetic for being good-looking? And why on earth do I need to feel inhibited about showcasing it?

Looking beautiful or wanting to be so is not a problem per se, but mainstreaming and institutionalising it as a norm is a problem. Being a woman and being a feminist are two different things, and conflating them is problematic. So is construing beauty and intellect as being mutually exclusive; having one does not prevent you from having the other. As someone rightly put, ‘when a man stands up to speak, people listen, then look; when a woman gets up, people look, then they listen.’ When people reduce women into binaries and present or perceive us as mere showpieces sorely lacking competence and are unable to see beyond our looks into our intellect, then that is a problem.

Also, privileging intellect over other attributes or virtues lends itself to the Brahminical way of thinking, which comes from our Varna system that puts Brahmans’ intellect atop the hierarchy. Glamour is as much a professional field as diplomacy and no way does it deserve to be despised. At the end of the day, it boils down to being the right person for the right profession. But if there exist some unwritten rules exclusively and unfairly targeting one gender, then it is judicious to question and reject them. In any case, when a hitherto marginalised group enters a system, the rules have to be changed as the existing ones do not accommodate them.

The sorry reality

Amidst such rampant misogyny and sexism, honing one’s intellect and retaining one’s hard-earned confidence surely becomes an uphill battle. And when a woman succeeds despite the odds, she, unlike a man, is expected to prove it again and again. We have solid examples of women contributing to their sectors—diplomats single-handedly running a mission or serving as acting ambassadors. Is it not sad that people are prone to dismiss them conveniently? Such a fragile, solipsistic male ego!

And that only brings home the point that legal amendments alone cannot pave the way for societal transformation. It demands behavioural changes and a sense of moral responsibility on the part of everyone!

It bears repeating that a woman is not a mother or a wife: she is what she chooses to be—and it can very well be neither of them!

Worrisome is the way women, more than men, are identified with their social roles. While there is no denying that roles and relationships form the bedrock of societies and institutions, it is utterly dehumanising not to identify an individual as an individual and to relegate them to mere social roles. And if a woman opts for motherhood, then childcare is not her sole responsibility. What is hugely ironical is that, on the one hand, society deems a child as being born to the father, but then, on the other hand,

places the enormous responsibility of taking care of the child on the mother, expecting her to juggle her various roles all at the same time.

Regretfully, patriarchy is the norm of the day. And  all that the aforementioned article vindicates is the sorry reality of how society prizes women’s subservience, considers it indispensable to maintain the social status-quo and is uncomfortable with women breaking the ‘hearth and home’ mould, and coming out, demanding, asserting and expressing themselves in an unrestrained way, loud and clear.

Achal works in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. She can be reached at [email protected]