The recent case of the disappearance of Mamta Kafle Bhatt, a registered nurse at the UVA Health Prince William Medical Center in Virginia, United States, has distressed Nepalis all over the globe. She was first reported missing on August 2 when police visited her home in Manassas city, where she lived with her husband, Naresh Bhatt and her year-old daughter. What seemed like an act of disappearance seemingly turned into a convoluted case of murder when the husband, a former Fairfax County police recruit and ex-US Army Reserve, was accused of killing her after the detectives searched their home on August 21. Nepalis who knew Mamta and her well-wishers from the community were in shock. If the accusations are true, this would be another sad and shameful case of the killing of a Nepali woman by her partner after being subjected to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).

It forces us to reflect on the hidden problem of violence against women in intimate relationships in Nepal. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), IPV is a common form of violence against women and includes physical, sexual and emotional abuse and controlling behaviours by an intimate partner. The National Demographic Health Survey 2022 revealed that 27 percent of women in Nepal had experienced IPV in their lifetime. Further, the registered cases of domestic violence in Nepal have noticeably increased in the past 28 years.

Many Nepali women feel unseen, unheard and powerless in their relationship with men. Moreover, there is a general lack of understanding of consent among Nepali men. During the Covid-19 pandemic, violence between intimate partners increased worldwide. In Nepal, police reported that cases of violence against women steadily rose despite the country being under prohibitory orders. The ingrained patriarchy manifests in various forms in intimate relationships where women suffer and become scarred for life. Marital rape is also widespread, with loopholes in the implementation of related laws.

Internalising the lack of safety at home, many Nepali women dream of going abroad and settling there. But, sadly, patriarchy leading to IPV goes beyond borders. This year alone, there have been cases of Nepali women being killed abroad. On August 29, Muna Pandey, a Nepali student, was shot dead in her apartment in Houston, Texas. Police arrested 51-year-old Bobby Singh, who was known to frequent the restaurant where Pandey worked. Earlier this year, Chandra Maya Poudel-Rimal was murdered by her husband, James Rimal, in Ohio during an argument. In the same state, in July, Tika Dhimal was murdered by her husband, Sada Dhimal, who later committed suicide.

These instances suggest Nepali women are vulnerable to IPV everywhere. In many cases, women give their partners several chances before speaking up. Even if they decide to seek legal help, they usually settle the matter, facing pressure from family or their partners. A former colleague reportedly knew of Mamta’s domestic violence situation with her husband. When her colleague told Mamta to leave her house and offered help, Mamta decided to give her husband another chance.

Although Nepal has made progress through stronger laws against the violation of women’s rights and participation in the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, they are still not enough to ensure women’s safety from IPV. There is an urgent need to foster awareness to empower women to seek help and assert their rights. Finally, we must teach our men the basics of consent in relationships. Legal mechanisms can only do so much if we as a society fail to challenge and change our patriarchal mindset.