Lonely ladChanges keep occurring in our lives although we resist letting go the past, we should let it happen for our own good. This doesn’t mean you should completely cut yourself from your friends. Instead, you should try to understand that it’s like any new phase in your life.
I came home a few months ago from the United States, for summer. It’s been two years since I joined an undergraduate program there. But I was feeling quite homesick, as I didn’t have enough money to come home for the past two summers. So, this year, I thought of saving enough money to visit my parents and meet old friends. But honestly, being back hasn’t been very welcoming and if it weren’t for my pre-purchased return ticket, I might have left a few weeks ago.
Ever since I came home, I’ve been ignored by my friends, especially the ones from my childhood. I never expected that to happen. I was one of the two people who left Nepal to study abroad from our group of five friends. Now that I’m back, I came to know that even the remaining three friends are no longer in touch with each other. I realise it was my mistake that I wasn’t constantly in touch with them but as I’m here, it looks like they don’t seem to care at all. They all ignore my texts in the group chats and whenever I make plans, they say that they’re busy with their own college assignments. They have been postponing all my reunion ideas and I haven’t met any of them. I can relate to their responsibilities but honestly, sometimes it seems like they’re deliberately avoiding me.
My parents also seem to worry given that I had so many plans and my friends were really close to me. Back in the old days, they would gather at my place in the evening and we’d spend most of our times singing and playing musical instruments. They were the friends I dreamt of starting a band with someday and I always felt that no matter where we go, we’d still be the same once we’d come together.
But it’s sad to know that people have changed with time. Although I’m glad to reunite with my family, I regret spending a lot of money just to be here. I love my family but my life was great here because of my friend circle. But now, I don’t know what to do. I still have a month left and I feel so depressed being here, knowing how things have changed. I feel so lonely imagining my life when I return home for good after my graduation.
Please guide me, Aunt.
It’s strange how things can change. Even good things change over time. It’s normal for you to feel lonely given that all your close friends are occupied with their own lives. I understand your sentiments with your childhood friends but don’t limit your happiness to them.
Try to accept this change. Moving to a new place must have been difficult for you but look at how you survived the first two years. This is the same. Changes keep occurring in our lives although we resist letting go the past, we should let it happen for our own good. This doesn’t mean you should completely cut yourself from your friends. Instead, you should try to understand that it’s like any new phase in your life. You might not feel good about this now but you’ll gradually learn to adjust to this change.
For now, you can try being honest with your friends. Maybe they’re really busy and aren’t deliberately avoiding you. Try talking to them openly about how you feel. Put your ego aside, and apologise when you realise if there’s any mistake you made in the past that hurt them. As friendship is really important to you, it’s good if you try your best to make sure you don’t ruin it.
But if you feel the conversation is getting toxic then, I’m sorry, you might have to let it go. If they’ve transformed into completely different people who no longer make you feel good, it’s time you just appreciate what you had before and move on. But then again, things might change later. And if it does, I hope it will be for the best.
With the remaining month in hand, try to go out more, be more social and open to adventures. Attend events, workshops, parties and other activities. This is the time of your life. You’ll make new friends and hopefully good ones. Try approaching strangers for small talks. Life can be so fun, especially at your age, you have to seize this moment. Don’t be sad for the people you’ve drifted apart. You can still meet and make more friends regardless of whether they may or may not be in touch with you later. And it’s completely alright. You can find new people who can vibe with you without keeping any expectations from them for the future.
You’ve been out in the world, so you know how important it is to build new friendships. Think of your home as a new place now. It’s a great time to start again. Don’t think about when you’ll be returning for good, things will change then too. Nothing is certain in life. It’s what it is and you have to accept it first in order to heal.
I wish you luck and really hope you’ll have a great time ahead. Take care and don’t worry too much. Good luck!
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