Our great Emperor is back from his so-called successful visit to Samosa-Land and we really should thank him for not flying to New York right away and instead deciding to stay home and doing nothing. If we could send a man or a woman to Mars then that’s a successful mission. Going to Delhi, and grabbing a few samosas and chai and hanging out with the Desis, is just another rear-kissing mission!

Did India promise to give us free electricity this winter and help us cut our load-shedding hours into half? Nope. If India was really our good chimeki or a brother or whatever you want to call the Desis, they would be giving us more than free buses and ambulances!

Our politicians and civil servants are beggars. They beg for petty little things. Why not think big? But of course, the only thing big our politicians and civil servants have is their ego. At home, they act like Mini-Maharajas because they have all the power and they do everything possible to misuse their authority and make tons of money through illegal means for their near and dear ones.

Once they get to the foreign land, they act timid, like puppies, because they can’t just boss the bideshis around. They bow down to the foreigners in hopes of getting a pat on the back, then they come home and continue to do their usual nautanki nataks to make our lives miserable!

If we really want to help our farmers then we should all drink ginger-honey-hot-lemon (GHHL) everyday so that even if India bans our ginger, at least we can help our farmers by our new ‘Drink at least three cups of GHHL’ a day mission! It doesn’t matter who goes to India and hangs around with their politicians. The Desis will treat all of them the same, like a shopkeeper in Asan who treats all panhandlers the same!

Well, let us again thank our Emperor for saving us a few million Rupees by scrapping his Amirki vacation plans. Or maybe, our Emperor now thinks twice whenever he has to travel to a different time zone. Well, India is just across the border and you can even get back home on rickshaw but Amrika is a different place.

And somebody in New York should have advised our foreign mini-sinister and his spouse on how to take a good photograph when you have the opportunity to do so with the most powerful person on Earth and his Mrs.

The Amriki President and the First Lady were showing their pearly whites while our Minister and his Mrs were like as if they left their dentures at home? When the photographer says ‘Cheese’, then you say ‘Cheese’ and then you get a wonderful picture. The Obamas are leaving the White House in four months and they seem happy.

Why is not our Foreign Minister happy? At least smile like you are enjoying the photo session. Think about the free foreign trip for yourself and your spouse. That would really make any of us happy if we did get free travel package that too to Amrika!

But of course, the Amrikans are different. Obama will be out of the White House by next January and he will have to work on his memoirs and give like hundreds of speeches in a year so that he can make some money. But here in this land of the care-free, our politicians will make enough money to last seven generations in less than seven months if they get to be a mantri!

And our Emperor seems to be pissed off at the BINGOs! Yes, we have tons of Bad International Non Governmental Organisations in the country. Yes, they have their so-called experts who get paid thousands of dollars per day to come to this land and tell us what to do.

It’s their money and they can do whatever they want with it. It’s not like our corrupt government has hired these experts at the expense of our taxpayers and we have to foot their bill.

So why is our Emperor not happy with these so-called BINGOs? Well, our man in Baluwatar tells us that these bideshis waste their money by making their report public at five-star hotels. I guess our netas have forgotten that they too meet in resorts and five-star properties to end the so-called political deadlock and instead lock themselves and enjoy their bideshi whiskey while we, the people think that they are in there actually to resolve the political crisis at hand.

Our Emperor feels that these BINGOs spend all their money on meetings and seminars instead of working for the welfare of the poor people. Yes, he is right and so do our civil servants and politicians who have never worked for the people and are always busy attending meetings and signing million-point agreements that amount to nothing. If it weren’t for these BINGOs, our politicians would not get free tickets, stipend and gift hampers to attend conferences overseas.

Our Emperor is confused that with hundreds of BINGOs in this country, if they really working to help the people or if they are other self-interests to be here. We also are confused with our politicians and civil servants who continue to extort and exploit common folks because their only interest is to make as much moolah as they can while in power while flushing this country down the drain.

Our incompetent and corrupt government is not happy with the BINGOs because they are not transparent and they do not coordinate with the government when spending millions of dollars. Maybe, our government should also make sure that our political parties are transparent when it comes to their financial dealings and Dr KC should be made the head of the CIAA so that he can really go after every corrupt crook in this land.

Let us hope that one day, we will have netas and sarkari hakims who really want to help the common folks and only then we will not need these BINGOs. Let us clean up our house first so that we don’t have to deal with bideshis coming here promising to clean up the mess.

(Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected])