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How to get over your fear of your boss
Why are so many of us fearful of our employers? Is the modern workplace really dominated by Machiavellian tyrants?For each of the eager beavers out there who seize upon any opportunity to remind the higher-ups of their existence, there are handfuls of fearful employees doing whatever they can to avoid unwanted attention or judgement from management.
If you fall in this category, you’ve probably mastered the art of always appearing busy as a mechanism to avoid conversation, memorised your boss’ schedule so you can avoid run-ins, and learned the straight-and-narrow approach to completing tasks in a way that doesn’t raise eyebrows or warrant the most dreaded experience of all: being called into the boss’ office.
Why are so many of us fearful of our employers? Is the modern workplace really dominated by Machiavellian tyrants?
Probably not. Data shows that any given boss’ personality might be irrelevant to these anxieties. In fact, as many as one in four people fear being yelled at by their superior, regardless of his or her past behavior. But unfortunately, the fear is real. It’s uncomfortable, and it often hinders the creative risk-taking that can help both you and your employer get ahead.
So, what can you do to overcome your fears and reach your full potential? Here are a few ideas.
Realise it’s not all about you
Everyone goes through it. There was once a client who would agonise every time she rambled in a meeting or misspoke on a conference call. After meeting her husband, the CEO of a telecommunications firm, she realised that the problem was universal. “He would come home from work worrying about a comment he made to an investor or whether he’d misjudged a big decision. His fears were never about his employees’ minor screw-ups—they were about his bosses.”
Think about it
You aren’t losing sleep over the mistakes the intern made today, are you? It’s the same way with your boss. He or she is often more focused on big projects than on your missteps.
You can’t change that which you don’t acknowledge. For this reason, it’s crucial that you check in and pay attention to your fear-based thoughts. Be honest with yourself: Is the fear that you feel toward your boss based on some other work or life experience deep in your past? Is it really about this particular person?
In many cases, this fear has little to do with your boss. For example, there are many people whose biggest workplace fear is getting fired. This fear influence many of their interactions in the workplace, particularly by deterring them from speaking up when there was an issue that demanded a conversation with supervisors. “There was an occasion where I was being bullied by a colleague,” said a client who suffered from the same fear, “and as much as I knew it should be addressed, I ultimately decided to keep it to myself due to my extreme fear of being fired.”
After speaking further, the true source of her fear became obvious: Her father was laid off during the recession, and her parents divorced shortly thereafter. Who wouldn’t carry this fear on after that? And that’s exactly why it’s so important that we get to the root of it. One creative way to do this is through writing. Make a list of your fears and what they might be telling you. Give them a voice. You’ll likely learn a lot—and maybe even find that they aren’t so scary after all.
Initiate contact
Find ways to interact with the person in charge. This takes effort and might be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. The higher-ups are not always accessible, but it’s up to you to find creative and professional ways to seek them out.
Be prepared
When speaking with your boss you want to make sure you’ve thought things through from every possible angle. This could require practicing (as silly as it sounds, it works!) and envisioning the different paths a conversation could take.
Humanise
Your boss is just like you—just with a bigger office and fatter check. Don’t lose sight of that. He or she could be simply having a bad day or issues of their own. So, do not take their actions personally.
Disagree
Pick and choose your moments and know your audience. Keep in mind that good bosses do not want to be surrounded by “yes” people. Disagreeing on a small issue could help you prepare for a potentially larger one down the road.
Forgive yourself
Don’t judge yourself too harshly if you stumble over a word or make a mistake. Instead, take measures to ensure success the next time around.
Cognitive therapy
If you fall into the trap of thinking you know what is running through your boss’s mind, and your assumptions are negative by default, you could benefit from cognitive therapy.