I heard somewhere that the hardest part of life is waiting. I used to think that there were things in life that were tougher than waiting. But now I know better.

Despite being named ‘Pratiksha’, which means waiting, I’ve always been known for being impatient. Just before my wait is about to end, I lose patience. Just before I reach the place I need to find, before the due date, just before something ends, I lose patience waiting. It’s almost as if I’m supposed to lose patience because it’s the “right” thing to do. More of an involuntary action to me, almost like reflex.

Being in a place where losing patience is simply out of bounds, I realise how waiting is hard, even harder than uncertainty.

In three days, every undergraduate will have decided which college/university they’re going to go to. But I still haven’t decided on what I want to do. I’m still waiting for my decision, for four months. This is the perfect time for me to lose my patience and drop it. But something’s keeping me from it, fighting my natural instinct.

I remember once I had to find somebody’s house I had never seen before. I walked for hours, back and forth on the same road, looking for it. After nearly three hours of searching, I had almost lost it. Filled with anger and sadness to its highest intensity, I sat under a tree and cried, telling myself, “Forget it! I don’t care. I don’t want to find his house. I just want to go home.”

Something made me not go back that day. I found the house and stood at the gate for a minute. Then I turned back and walked away, never looking back, smiling to myself.

I know losing patience near the end is just the “right” thing for me. But sometimes, I also have to stick to waiting.

I tell myself, “Well, that’s what happens when your name is Pratiksha.” 

Joshi is a recent +2 graduate from St Xavier’s College