Whenever one raises the issue of domestic violence, more often than not, it is the picture of a women or a child that comes to mind. But there is another side to the story. Even men can be victims of domestic violence. In modern society, where the roles of men and women are being increasingly blurred, female-on-male domestic violence is also on the rise. Domestic violence against men refers to abuse against men or boys that takes place in similar ways as it does against women. Men are also victimised in marriages, cohabitation and subject to sexual, emotional, psychological, verbal and financial abuse along with property damage and social isolation.

Violence against men

Figuring out  the actual number of male victims of domestic violence is complex. It may be because men are far less likely than women to report incidents where they have been injured as it might call their masculinity into question. Counselors note that boys and men who have been victims of violence have a hard time accepting the label of a victim. And even when they do accept it, they are often embarrassed about reporting such incidents. They feel that people won’t believe them if they say that they have been assaulted by a woman. When men share their stories of abuse, it is not uncommon for these accounts to be reacted to with disbelief. Also, many police officers do not treat it as a serious crime and often view the male victim as a ‘pathetic figure’.

Societal perception about violence against men further encourages such violence, ie, if a girl hits a guy, it is easily laughed off. But if a man does the same to a woman, it is seen in a very different light. Boys and men are taught not to hit women but are girls ever taught not to hit boys? Most people probably think that women never hit men. So men endure physical abuse in silence, afraid that no one will believe them even if they disclose such incidents. Domestic violence against men must be addressed with urgency by the government and NGOs, like it is done with women. Currently, limited resources are available for providing assistance to  abused men. If this one-sided approach continues, it should not surprise us if domestic violence against men becomes a serious problem in the future.

Helping male victims

Paying close attention to the context and social power imbalance is very important while looking at how and why men and women use violence against each other. Before coming up with any solution, the root of the problem needs to be identified. Large sums of money have been spent on educational campaigns to encourage female victims to seek help. Until there are similar campaigns for men, it is unlikely that the  true number of male victims will be known. Every man should keep in mind that abuse is never the victim’s fault, just like abused women are told when they suffer physical violence. This fact is no less true just because the victim happens to be a male.

Therefore, the most crucial step is to admit that domestic violence is not an ‘only female’ problem. A lasting solution would be to send both males and females for counseling and mandatory therapy. At least this will take care of the people that abuse the system and will be able to serve the real victims of domestic violence. Lastly, violence in any form should never be accepted, excused or tolerated. Let us remember that saying ‘no’ to violence against women is important but accepting and addressing violence against men is equally important.

Bhattarai is studying to be a chartered accountant