In mainstream media, movies, and celebratory events like pride parades, the focus is often on young LGBTQIA+ individuals, leaving the elderly community in the shadows. This invisibility fuels misconceptions, with some dismissing the community’s issues as a “new foreign concept” seen only in younger generations.

Although they have been largely invisible until recently, LGBTQIA+ older adults now constitute a significant and growing segment of the community. As Bhopali Chaudhary, 67, puts it, “We have always been there.”

Despite progress in queer rights, many elderly members of the community in Nepal continue to face severe discrimination, neglect, and violence from their families and society, highlighting the urgent need for LGBTQIA+ friendly old age homes and housing solutions.

Bhopali (name changed to protect her identity), who identifies as a third gender and prefers the pronouns ‘she/her’ has endured a lifetime of hardship. Born as a male in Saptari’s Sambhunath Municipality of Madhesh Province, Bhopali realised by age 13 that she felt more like a female.

At 16, she was married to a woman, though her heart was drawn to men. For Bhopali, discrimination, hatred, jeers, and nasty comments were constants in her village, but she persevered and worked hard to support her family of two children and wife.

However, when she became more open about her identity three years ago, things worsened. Her youngest son, addicted to cannabis and alcohol, began beating her. On November 3 last year, she sought help from her eldest son, only to be verbally abused and told to “stop acting like a woman.”

The abuse culminated in a violent altercation that left Bhopali homeless. Desperate, she contemplated jumping into the Koshi River but was saved by her partner of fifteen years, a cisgendered pansexual male. A cisgendered pansexual male is a man who is attracted to people of any gender. Bhopali stayed with him temporarily for two months but had to leave due to societal pressures.

With no other options, Bhopali reluctantly returned to her own home after her partner provided one quintal of rice and essentials to her sons. Yet, things didn’t improve.

“One month after I returned, my wife became fully paralyzed. My sons left, refusing to take responsibility for their mother, leaving me to care for her and find ways to survive. I have no job and struggle to find work due to my identity. I don’t qualify for old age social security until I turn 68. My sons provide no support,” Bhopali shared.

Although Bhopali now has a roof over her head, she fears being thrown out again, either by her sons or the landlord. Decades ago, her grandfather bought the land, but the land ownership certificate was not given, and now the seller’s descendants are threatening to evict her unless she pays the current price of the land.

“I stay here for my wife. She was the only one who ever truly understood and supported me,” Bhopali said. She plans to move to an old age home after her wife’s death, but worries she might not be accepted there because of her identity.

Bhopali isn’t alone in this. Her plight is shared by many elderly LGBTQIA+ individuals in Nepal. Sudha Chaudhary (name changed), 61, from Itahari of Koshi Province, faces similar challenges. Identifying as ‘meti’ (a term used in Nepal for third-gender or refers to a feminine presentation in a male body), Sudha has endured verbal and emotional abuse from her sons and daughters-in-law.

To survive, Sudha, despite suffering from severe knee pain, travels to the Indian border town of Jogbani to carry clothes for Nepali retailers, who use individuals like her to transport goods from India in small amounts to avoid paying taxes. She also struggles to repay a loan of Rs600,000 taken for her youngest son’s marriage, with no support from her children.

Even though she owns her house, Sudha wants to leave due to constant conflict and verbal abuse. “Everyday I feel like dying. If I fall sick, no one cares. I feel trapped in a house where I’m always told to stop behaving like a woman,” she says.

Like Bhopali, she too, considers moving to old age homes, but fears facing the same abuse and discrimination. “My own children didn’t accept me. I’m afraid people there will hate me too”.

Sudha dreams of living in a place like an old age home for people from her community. “I want to be myself, in a place where we can be safe.”

She hopes the government and NGOs will address the needs of LGBTQIA+ elderly citizens who face abandonment, abuse, and a lack of safe, queer-friendly old age homes.

For Sukmaya Magar, 55, from Chitwan’s Devghat, life took a tragic turn after her partner died in 2020 from jaundice and liver problems. As a lesbian woman, Sukmaya had shared both life and business with her partner for three decades. After her partner’s death, her partner’s elder sister claimed their shared property, which was solely in her partner’s name.

“Without access to my partner’s bank account, I couldn’t get money for medical treatment when she was sick because I was only listed as a friend on the account. The bank required a family member,” Sukmaya recalls.

Now, Sukmaya is left with only a small thatched house. She works in the fields to make a living, struggling with health issues, financial difficulties, and emotional exhaustion.

“Since same-sex marriage wasn’t legally recognised, I had no claim to my partner’s property and am denied the single women’s allowance, unlike those in opposite-sex marriages,” Sukmaya adds.

In November 2023, Nepal recognised same-sex marriage for the first time, but inconsistent bureaucracy makes it nearly impossible for most queer couples to marry. And issues like single women’s allowance for same-sex couples remain a far off problem, completely unaddressed.

“I sought help from the municipality and other places for my rights but received none. I have lost everything,” Sukmaya says.

The legal framework in Nepal, Article 160 of the Civil Code 2017 prohibits discrimination, with penalties of up to five years in prison or a fine of up to Rs50,000. The Senior Citizens Act 2006 protects seniors from being forced to live apart from their families and promotes the use of their skills and experiences to foster respect.

However, these protections often fail to extend to elderly LGBTQIA+ individuals who face family rejection and societal prejudice.

Mitini Nepal’s 2022 survey of 100 LGBTI+ individuals aged 50-75 across Nepal (excluding Karnali Province) found that 86 percent lacked access to state benefits like social security, medical insurance, or safe housing.

Discrimination was prevalent as 65 percent felt unsafe due to lifelong experiences of bias, 23 percent were evicted because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, 27 percent faced workplace discrimination, 24 percent experienced physical harassment, and 31 percent encountered discrimination from family, community, and government officials.

According to Bimala Gurung, programme officer at Mitini Nepal, the organisation, on March 27, submitted a memorandum to the then-minister for Women, Children, and Senior Citizens, Bhagwati Chaudhary, outlining the needs of elderly sexual and gender minorities.

The memorandum recommended that the government adopt gender-sensitive measures, including creating gender-friendly infrastructure, spaces, and economic opportunities. It also called for mapping, data collection, and research on this community, as well as the development of safe, inclusive government housing and training for caregivers.

“There have been no updates on the matter and now there is the new minister with the change in government. We’ve received numerous pleas for LGBTQIA+ elder housing but lack the budget to address this alone. We will continue to advocate to the government,” Gurung said.

The plight of Bhopali, Sudha, and Sukmaya highlight the urgent need for inclusive policies and support systems. As Sudha puts it, “We are not asking for someone to feed us, we just want a safe shelter and opportunity to be ourselves, to live and earn with dignity.”

Sukmaya says her partner died before they could legally marry, never seeing the day their union would be officially recognised. “Now, I fear dying alone and being left unburied. I hope for equal access to social security and LGBTQIA+-friendly old age homes so people like me can live together away from judgement and discrimination, with someone to care for in our final moments. It would bring comfort to share this progress with her in the afterlife,” she said.