If you don’t keep your mundrey gundas happy then they will change sides and help your opponent win next time around. After all money and muscles go hand in hand. If you have the money then you can buy the muscles and hope that the hired goons will help to scare voters into voting for you. If that doesn’t work then you will need to buy pigs and chickens or even laptops and bikes to get more votes.

If you don’t keep your cadres happy then they will burn tyres and stop you from campaigning in the district. Most of our cadres are in it for the moolah. Either they want a government job or enough cash to at least survive until the next election.

If you don’t keep your cousins happy then they will rant against you at family gatherings and will spill your dirty little secrets to the media to bring you down. The media will probably write about how you began stealing cucumbers and chickens from your neighbours at the tender age of five and ended up stealing millions from the state treasury at 50. But that won’t make much difference in this land of ours. Our netas do not have any morals and they are proud to go to jail on corruption charges. And when they are freed, their cadres welcome the chor as if he just came back from Norway with the Nobel Prize.

Our lawmakers are not happy with the million rupees they have been receiving for their constituencies. A million rupees nowadays is like chump change. It isn’t enough to make everyone happy. After all, our netas do promise their cadres the moon or a tola of soon but at the end, they only get maybe a kilo of lasoon.

Some of our idiots have even threatened to halt the budget proceedings in the House if their demand to be karod-patis is not met. In fact, 347 CA members have even submitted a memorandum to our Finance Minister, Ramu Dai. I think these idiots seem to have forgotten that we are one of the poorest countries in the world.

We don’t have oil like the sheikhs. We do have water, though, but we’re still waiting for the day when we’ll generate 40,000 MW of electricity and the country makes billions of dollars. Maybe then we will get free electricity and our lawmakers will have enough money to carry out development projects in their constituencies.

We all know that even the million rupees CA members get now goes into his or her pocket instead of going to the poor. And if our cash-strapped government doles out Rs 50 million each then we will probably see a few hundred new homes in the Capital this year.

If our idiots really want the funds for development activities then they should come up with a concrete plan on how they want to use the money.  If they can be transparent and held accountable if they misuse the funds then maybe it’s okay but our political parties are the least transparent organisations in the country and  we have yet to see our netas—except for a few unlucky one—go to prison for abusing power and amassing illegal wealth.

Our CA idiots should focus on writing the constitution first instead of trying to figure out ways to make a quick buck at the expense of our taxpayers. This is the time to be thrifty and our idiots should show us that they are not living in a bubble by riding in luxury vehicles and wasting taxpayers’ money on their security and what not. Come ride in a microbus with us. Have some milk tea at the local chiya pasal. Be one of us instead of trying to rule us like Mini-Maharajas.

Our Prime Minister, Sushil Da is still in New York. Now, the Amriki doctors have advised radiotherapy for his early-stage lung cancer and it might be many months before he gets back to the country. Let’s all wish him well.

Bambo is our acting Prime Monster.  I think it’s time somebody created an Internet meme of his high-jump skills. And our Nepal Police should really focus on real crimes instead of spending all their time reading our Facebook statuses.

We live in a republic and not a police state. We have the right to freely express our opinions without threat of imprisonment. But still, we can’t be going online and threatening to shoot the other guy. The next time you want to rant against our hardworking politicians, competent public servants and honest police wallahs then be sarcastic not serious.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]