Unrequited love can put you in great danger. It even has physical repercussions. Or so I have heard. I have yet to verify the truth through experience, though I might be beginning to understand. I know a girl. I don’t mean to her what she means to me. If at all, I hold only a small space in her life, and a smaller place in her heart. She has many friends, and hence, I am probably only an acquaintance to her.

We don’t cross paths that often either. There was a time when we were near in terms of physical distance, yet, we were not close at heart. Today, it is just the opposite.

We went to the same school. Our conversations never really went beyond ‘hello’ back then. We were classmates, yet strangers. In fact, there was a time when she refused to take the seat beside me in a bus.

Today, I can’t seem to imagine my life without her. I can’t imagine going back to being strangers. What do we know about life anyway? Time changes everything. It’s funny how you can never decide what is going to happen to you. I have not always been a fan of passively accepting whatever life throws at me. When it comes to her though, I am very thankful. I like the fact that she’s a part of me, regardless if I am a part of her or not.

We go to different colleges now. I don’t even know when she went on to become my friend from a stranger. I don’t even know if she feels the same about me. For all I know, she has never introduced me to her other friends with such fondness or exclusivity.

But, I wouldn’t know for sure. We barely ever hang out. We rarely enjoy a tete-a-tete. In fact, we don’t even talk over phone. There is no photo that has both of us in the same frame tagged as ‘besties’. We only visit one another’s worlds through texts.

People define best friend as someone who always hangs out with you, who has the best childhood memories with you, who always shows up in every other occasion, and who knows everything about who you are, what you do, where you come from, and where you are going to. We don’t fit that definition.

Yet, I hold her dear to my heart. I have seen all her strengths and weaknesses. She’s arrogant, rude, angry, and lazy at times. But she’s mostly sweet, kind, confident, and polite. If she’s stubborn, she’s also funny. If she’s graceful, she’s also a little clumsy. If she is warm, she’s also sassy.

It’s funny how she manages to pull it off. She’s unapologetic about who she is.

I haven’t seen much of her recently, but I can describe her in all confidence. Round-faced and fair-complexioned, her eyebrows are always drawn pencil-thin; bright-eyed, her forehead is a little wide but it doesn’t look off. Her hair is zet-black and straight. When she breaks into a smile, her oyster-white teeth always light up the room.

She is lovely in every possible way—a head turner.

That’s not all, I know so much more about her than she realises. She dreams of a pencil-skirt job, a six-figure salary, a big mansion with a tiny pool, and a luxurious life over all.

She likes to be treated like a princess. She likes to be pampered and be taken care of by someone special. She demands respect and works to earn it. But she won’t depend upon anyone for her happiness. She takes charge of it.

Sometimes, she ignores people’s feelings, other times, she ignores people too. But once someone makes their way into her heart, they are locked.

 She is like a lazy lizard that dreams of a better shelter during monsoon, but when the summer finally arrives, does nothing but sunbathe, only to regret when monsoon arrives again. 

I smile, just thinking about her.

Unrequited love can put you in great danger. It even has physical repercussions. Or so I have heard.

To me, even if my feelings are never reciprocated, she will always be someone I hold dear to my heart. And while it might hurt, I don’t plan on letting my feelings get the better of me.

Upadhyaya is a +2 student at St Xavier’s College