Isn’t it funny how we tend to pour our heart out as children but now, as grownups, we just bottle up. We try defying the very social nature of our species. I sometimes wonder when it was that my heart turned into a stone. Was it when that kid from grade four stole my favourite Ben 10 watch or was it high school when the other one broke my heart? 

As a child I was always taught to respect people, stand up for elders, and love the younger ones—yes, all the regular, typical teachings that define good character. Vowing I would touch a little softer, be a little kinder and speak a little better and of all I would create wildfire with the love I carried.

As a child I was also curious, and I grew up questioning a lot of things that appeared normal or regular to the grownups. For example, while running around the streets of my neighbourhood, I would wonder what lay beyond those huge metal gates. I would wonder why the signs read ‘Beware’ instead of ‘Welcome’. I would hop around unraveling the story of every person that passed by. I would like to think, we’ve all been there and done that—we have all been human. 

Then something changed in the interval between the age seven and 17. I became colder and rigid. The little girl who was outraged by the demons in fairytales finally realised that they were there in the real life too. Only, they didn’t scare me with pointy horns, sharp canines, wicked eyes or hide under your bed and haunt me. Infact, they came dressed as the protagonist, like the knight in shining armour, with all the charm and everything I ever wished for. 

With our hearts having endured so much pain and so much heartbreak we think twice before we trust someone. How do we preserve the little ray of sanity we still hold? How do we go back to believing in ourselves, how do we go back to placing faith in love and the power it beholds?

We shut ourselves. We contemplate about the how people walked over us so easily, and assume our battle is the toughest. But we are never alone are we? Everyone has been through hell and back learning how to walk on fire and still remain sane by digging the way back to earth. We’ve all gotten a few arrows on our back, gun shots right through the soul. 

And yet we never really speak about it because everyone wants to know ‘what’ the other person is doing, nobody really asks ‘how’ they are doing. 

I guess, at the end of the day, the only thing we aspire is to find is that one person who proves us wrong. Someone who dares us to travel roads not taken by anyone and teaches us to make flowers blossom with just kisses. Someone who will see right through and break the walls we’ve built with the slightest touch of evening wind and softest ray of the sunlight.  Someone, whose embrace will place back all our broken pieces together. 

Or, perhaps we need to find someone we can love gently and steadily. Someone with whom we can live an adventure. Someone that makes us want to save them from the craziness and insanity, to taste their laughter in our mouth. Someone who can see our scars and yet help them heal. 

But, it’s not easy finding someone like this, mostly because even if you decide to open up to someone, they won’t open up to you. They are as scarred and they are equally scared. And it might take you forever to find the person, because they are never in the plain sight. 

But don’t give up. Not yet.  

Love takes time, and it takes time to love. Always remember, the people with the highest walls have the deepest love.                 

Pant is a recent IBDP graduate from Ullens School