Do you ever look at the people around you and feel like you’re falling behind? You’re giving your best, but all you seem to notice is others’ growth. And when you reflect on your own progress, doubts creep in, wondering if you could be doing better, just like everyone else. If you’ve found yourself in this position, you’re falling into what’s known as the comparison trap.

In today’s super-competitive world, it’s easy to overlook your efforts and accomplishments while focusing on others’ successes. But constantly measuring yourself against others can gradually take away your self-esteem and happiness. If you don’t recognise this sooner, it can turn into a vicious cycle that does more harm than good.

As adults, we know we should value ourselves and focus on personal growth rather than comparing ourselves to others. Yet, despite this knowledge, we still fall into the trap. Why is that? Take a moment to look closely at your surroundings.

When you reflect on your situation, you’ll see that countless external factors—societal pressures, constant hustle, and even the influence of those around you—feed into this mindset and contribute to the comparison game you’re playing with yourself.

Number one on the list is the influence of social media. This influence has impacted people of all ages, from the young to the old. From Instagram’s personal moments to LinkedIn’s professional milestones, everyone is constantly exposed to curated versions of people’s lives. These feeds can easily trick us into thinking they represent reality, ignoring what goes on behind the scenes. It’s important to step back and remember that real life is messy, with both setbacks and unfiltered moments. While staying connected with people on social media is great, we must be careful not to get too attached to their carefully crafted realities.

The second major cause of constant comparison is the over-expectations you set for yourself or the pressure to meet the expectations of your loved ones. While stepping out of your comfort zone is important for growth, pushing too hard can be discouraging when you fall short. You start to see others achieving similar goals easily (or so it seems), triggering the comparison cycle. This is when you may set unrealistic standards and focus only on your perceived shortcomings, which can diminish your self-worth.

Additionally, we live in a culture that heavily emphasises competition and achievement. Comments like, “The son of someone I know is studying for an MBA; why haven’t you done anything?” or “Look at your sister. She’s so confident and capable, but why are you so lazy?” add to the pressure, pushing us to measure our success against others, further reinforcing the habit of comparison.

It’s often said that human have been making social comparisons since the very beginning to measure where they stand, using others as a benchmark to assess their abilities. While this instinct has deep social and evolutionary roots, it comes at a cost. What seems like a helpful evaluation can have subtle yet widespread effects on our well-being, often without us realising it.

Constantly comparing ourselves to others is often linked to growing feelings of anxiety and discomfort. People may start feeling inadequate in achieving their own life goals, getting trapped in a cycle of worry. Every time we question our own abilities, thinking others can do it better, we undermine how we treat ourselves, often leading to neglecting our well-being. For example, if you see a friend travelling the world, you might feel like your life is dull, causing you to worry about your life choices and accomplishments.

Moreover, comparing ourselves to those around us can strain our healthy, fulfilling relationships. Feelings of jealousy and resentment can creep in, impacting our personal and professional connections. What once were positive relationships can begin to feel like a source of stress and discomfort, further deepening the comparison cycle.

The hidden cost of constant comparison can eventually impact your self-esteem. When you measure your worth against others, you can become distracted from your life goals, gradually losing sight of your value. As you focus more on what others are doing, it becomes harder to invest in your personal growth and development.

Recognising the damage caused by comparison is the first step toward finding the motivation to break free. The comparison cycle can be challenging to track, but once we identify it, we can begin to work on it. Like any challenge, the solution starts with small steps.

Start by recognising your triggers, whether it’s a specific situation, person, or place that sparks comparison. Once you identify them, it becomes easier to take action and avoid these negative influences.

Limit your time on social media if it fuels the comparison loop. You don’t need to cut it out completely, but finding balance helps. Social media shows only the “outside”, so avoid comparing your inner world to others’ curated lives.

While excessive comparison is harmful, it can also be motivating. Observing others’ successes can inspire personal growth, as long as it’s done in moderation.

One of the simplest yet most neglected practices is counting our blessings. We often overlook that we are blessed with things others may not have. By focusing on what we have, we can foster a sense of gratitude and shift our perspective away from comparison.

Lastly, learn to be your own best friend. There are enough people around us trying to bring us down, so why add yourself to that list? Be there for yourself, be kind, and speak positively about your progress. Self-compassion is a powerful tool for breaking free from the cycle of comparison.