We carry an ideal version of ourselves and face insecurities influenced by different factors. Frequently, we compare ourselves to others, especially when they seem to lack our insecurities and achieve the goals we aspire to reach.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others has become almost unavoidable, particularly with the rise of social media.

Counselor Pratiksha Rajopadhyaya discusses the impact of comparison on self-esteem and mental well-being and strategies for coping with these effects.

What are some common forms of comparison?

In my experience working with young women, particularly in South Asia, beauty standards are a significant source of comparison. People learn early to compare their appearance to others.

Another common area of comparison is in academic performance and grades. This starts in childhood when kids feel inadequate about their grades and continues into adulthood. Comparisons based on money, job success, and lifestyle often lead to an inferiority complex.

Those who frequently compare themselves may feel desperate to match what they believe they lack. For instance, individuals comparing their appearance might spend excessively on beauty products or gym memberships, evaluating themselves by others’ standards.

Why do you think parents compare siblings, and how does it affect self-esteem?

Sibling comparisons are deeply rooted in our culture and passed down through generations. Parents aren't born with the tendency to compare their children; it's a learned behaviour. Common remarks like “The elder sister is smart, but the younger isn’t” or “Why isn't the younger brother as good at sports as the older one?” reflect this mindset.

Parents might not realise the harm because it's their first time being parents, and if no one corrects them, this behaviour becomes normalised.

Sibling comparisons affect relationships and self-esteem, leading to resentment depending on the siblings' awareness and age. The less favoured sibling often feels inferior and may develop low self-worth, leading to resentment and rivalry. The favoured sibling might feel pressured to meet high expectations, causing stress.

Both can end up with a poor self-image, making it hard to form healthy relationships and affecting their growth and happiness.

Are there any demographics or personality traits that are more likely to compare themselves to others?

I don't believe specific personality traits make people more prone to feeling the negative effects of comparison. It’s more about their experiences growing up and their current situation. Our behaviour and thinking are shaped by past and social experiences. Someone who experienced childhood trauma was constantly compared to others and lacked support is more likely to compare themselves to others. It's more about their circumstances and upbringing than their inherent nature.

How is social media affecting the tendency of self-comparison?

In social media, people showcase their best, filtered selves and curated lives. Seeing everyone's achievements can make one feel left out when scrolling through Instagram or LinkedIn.

Moreover, with the rise of ‘influencer culture’, we are becoming more inclined to imitate others instead of appreciating ourselves. This especially affects young people, who may compare themselves to the world and feel like they are the only ones falling behind.

How does comparison affect self-esteem and well-being?

I believe that comparison can negatively impact self-esteem and well-being, depending on a person’s circumstances and mental state. Everyone has varying levels of coping ability. Those who lack a supportive system that provides validation and comfort may be more adversely affected.

Being overly critical of oneself can further damage self-esteem. Life challenges and mental health issues can make self-esteem more fragile. These minor problems can accumulate and lead to significant mental health issues. People who fit societal norms might find it easier to cope, while those who are perceived as different may struggle more.

How does having low self-esteem affect day-to-day life?

I believe that low self-esteem can make you feel like you're two steps behind in life’s race because you doubt yourself. It can be challenging to support others emotionally when you're dealing with your negative thoughts. Low self-esteem also makes it difficult to showcase your abilities and skills to the fullest.

Overall, low self-esteem caused by comparison can affect your relationships, productivity, and well-being.

What are the signs and symptoms that someone is struggling with comparison?

A major symptom is constant negative self-talk, such as saying, “I'm so bad” or “I can't do this.” In Nepali culture, people often downplay themselves to avoid being seen as narcissistic, which can make it hard to identify.

However, if someone becomes more negative than usual or starts withdrawing and isolating themselves, it could be a sign. People who struggle with comparison and low self-esteem might exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, such as being unable to say no, being overly empathetic, and not setting boundaries. They may also be very sensitive to criticism, even if it's constructive.

What are some coping strategies for someone struggling with comparison?

Firstly, it's important to practice self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend or loved one. Limiting social media use can also be beneficial, as it often presents unrealistic portrayals of others' lives. Instead, focus on your strengths by listing achievements and qualities you're proud of, akin to journaling.

Setting personal goals and measuring progress against them, not others, is crucial. A supportive network plays a significant role in coping; surround yourself with uplifting people and engage in activities you enjoy to boost confidence.

Practising gratitude by reflecting on positive aspects of your life can shift perspective away from comparison. Lastly, developing self-awareness to recognise triggers for self-comparison and managing them effectively is key.

If these feelings significantly impact your mental health and functioning, seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor is necessary.