It is a typical morning. As you sip your tea in the early hours of the day, you think of the various tasks or assignments you have to get through. Then, you open your phone just to see what’s happening in the world and are bombarded with an alarming amount of information. You end up thinking about things and perhaps may even start mumbling to yourself.

While talking to oneself can feel embarrassing, and people often associate it with mental health problems, it is completely normal. And it has quite the power over our lives. In fact, most people engage in some form of self-talk on a daily basis. So, why do we talk to ourselves? And does what we say matter? The short answer to this is—yes, it does.

Self-talk is the narration inside our head. It can be our inner monologue, personal conversations, and even reflective thoughts. The inner dialogue, or that small voice that talks to us inside our head can shape the way we think and act. It has been observed that children often engage in some form of self-talk with themselves throughout their childhood, and this continues well into their adulthood. Kids may have imaginative conversations with themselves, which can help them regulate their emotions and behaviours. These conversations slowly morph into inner—more silent—monologues once they grow up.

The concept of self-talk is really interesting when one considers how and why it occurs in the first place. Even now, it is still unclear why self-talk happens and why some people engage in self-talk more than others. However, regardless of the reason, the type of self-talk one performs— either positive or negative, definitely impacts their mood, emotions, attitude, and, to a certain extent, mental health.

We think of different things inside our head like “Why did I do this?”, “Maybe I should have done this differently”, “I should do this to move ahead”. It could also be related to external matters like “Why did these people act like that with me?”

The way we talk to ourselves influences our emotions. When we engage in a supportive conversation with ourselves, it can have a significant impact on our mood, motivation and overall performance. Positive self-talk has been found to boost self-esteem, increase focus and make us feel more confident and optimistic. Think back to when you were in an exam or in an important meeting; talking with yourself and motivating yourself can help you feel more calm and help you through the situation itself. Self-talk also serves as a way to guide oneself through various challenges and even give instructions on accomplishing a specific task.

Negative self-talk, on the other hand, is detrimental. Excessive negative self-talk can get dangerous. If you constantly blame yourself for your problems and keep overthinking about those situations, then chances are that these thoughts will cripple your confidence and mental state. This is especially true for those who think of all the bad things that happened to them repeatedly.

The field of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has done significant research when it comes to self-talk—especially regarding methods to combat negative monologue. Cognitive behavioural therapists guide individuals to identify and challenge their negative thought patterns, replacing them with more constructive and positive ones. Over time, this approach helps people cultivate healthier internal monologues and improve their mental health.

As we explore the concept of self-talk, an important aspect we really need to consider is self-love. We are in a world where we are constantly influenced by external factors that tell us we aren’t worthy or enough, but the only thing that matters is ourselves and the inner conversation we have with ourselves. They shape our beliefs, influence our decisions, and ultimately construct the narrative of our lives. So, the next time you talk to yourself, remember to be kind.

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Tandukar is an organisational psychologist at Happy Minds, a mental health and well-being platform.