I’m sure many of us have been heartbroken. But has your trust ever been broken? In our life, we come across a lot of people. Many of them become our acquaintances, and some become our friends, but only a few end up being the ones we feel comfortable bestowing our complete trust upon. It is only to these certain individuals that we gradually open our deepest secrets and show our ugliest scars to. We put our faith in them and hope they see us for who we are. We believe we are safe and loved enough not to be judged by parts we aren’t proud of. Not everybody receives the honour of trust.

But what happens if one of these people breaks our trust?

Ask yourself: Have you ever been put in a situation where someone you trusted did something completely unexpected, which came as a shock and left you questioning everything, including your own judgment? When trust is broken, it makes you think whether you truly knew this person or if you were blinded by wanting to see every tiny bit of good in them.

Oftentimes, we also develop a sense of dread and guilt for trusting people in the first place, and we berate ourselves for being so gullible and vulnerable. It may also result in you promising yourself that you will never ever in your life trust anybody.

Trust is a very delicate thing. Once it is breached, it becomes difficult to trust or welcome a new person into your life. We may even begin distrusting the ones already with us.

Well, while it is okay to try to protect yourself from events that have been emotionally difficult for you in the past, it’s not healthy to carry around the baggage of trust issues. Especially if it renders you unable to form deep connections with others in your life. Of course, it isn’t good to be gullible about everything that people say, but it’s also not healthy for you to question every statement spoken, overanalyse them down to every single detail, and question yourself whether or not you should show vulnerability and express your thoughts in front of every person in your life.

You need to understand that while the pain you endured, the betrayal you felt, and the guilt you experienced for trusting those people are all valid, it’s not necessary that every person you meet along the way is going to be the same. You need to let go of the fear of going through pain and be open to trusting the old, the new, and the better people in your life who are genuinely there for you. You need to realise that the person who hurt you and the person who you are now afraid to trust are not the same.

When trust dies, you may feel like a small part of you that trusted the person also died along with it. It’s okay to grieve that innocent part of you. Take your time. Feel the pain but don’t let the pointed shards keep hurting your ability to trust every other person in your life.

Having your trust broken was not your choice, but whether you let that incident become a scar or a lesson is up to you. Learn from it: don’t be naive, but don’t put up a wall; become stronger, but accept your vulnerable side too. Let that incident teach you, but don’t let it define who you are.

The main thing you can do is trust yourself. Trust the journey you have taken so far. Tell yourself that you can trust people and not be hurt by them, and don’t let a few bitter experiences or few individuals colour your perception of the entire world–your world does not need to change into a dark, scary place filled with people that could hurt you.

Don’t let a few bad experiences make you afraid of opening up. Don’t give people from the past so much power that it affects your present and future. Embrace the real you and feel comfortable showing yourself to other people in your life who wish to have a meaningful connection with you.

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Manandhar is a mental health advocate who provides psychosocial counselling.