It was already a new year, but nothing had changed; the same chill was still in the air. This part of the city often remains very busy. When you walk out in the evening, roads are packed with cars, buses and motorbikes. People aimlessly meander on the footpaths, and all the tea shops are filled with people gossiping and laughing about everything they’ve seen or heard throughout the day.

They were sitting in one of the corners of the tea shop when Bijay glanced outside. A pair of small houseplants with planters were hanging on each side of a window. He was suddenly daydreaming, the picture of home floating around his mind. “What’s going on these days at home?” Bijay asked Suraj.

“Not much, everything is ordinary, only the weather is quite warmer than here. And by the way, why don't you go home and check yourself,” Suraj replied, adding, “Aren’t you the one who is in the country?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I hate home, but I just don’t find peace there these days.” Bijay tried explaining.

“I know the feeling,” Suraj said, agreeably with a smile.

“So, how’s Japan? Better than Nepal?”

“Of course.” Suraj cackled, raising his tone. A guy beside them gave a side look and puffed out the smoke.

Suraj and Bijay are childhood friends. They studied at the same school and played football together for the same local club. Five years ago, when Bijay came to the capital chasing his dream of playing for the bigger club, Suraj decided to move away to Japan to study. But they knew it was just a pretence. He was never going to come and settle back in Nepal. This was his first vacation after graduation and after spending a month, he was returning to Japan the next day.

“So, man, what’s the plan then?” Suraj asked after Bijay ordered two cups of milk tea.

“Plan for what?” Bijay pretended like he didn’t get him.

Suraj laughs. “Plan for the future. What are you thinking now?” Bijay shrugged.

“Look, man, don’t be crazy,” Suraj said. “I met your father when I was home. He doesn’t look very happy with how you are handling things here. He says your mother is very sick, barely walks,” he stopped for a moment, then looking away, he spoke again, “I have always been close to you and I understand you better than anyone else. But I don’t think it's really working, man. You can’t hold on forever like this. Eventually, you have to move on like everyone else did.”

Suraj stopped and slurped the tea. Bijay was still not speaking.

“Be honest, how much have you earned this month playing football?” He was looking straight at Bijay this time.

Bijay just looked at him and gave a faint smile but he looked serious.

“Not a paisa, right?”

He was right but Bijay couldn’t say a word in return.

“Look!” Bijay finally spoke, raising his left hand, “I am not here to discuss everything with you. You have been home after so long. It was meant to be a celebration, but with all this nonsense you are just ruining it.” He sounded a bit sulky. Suraj was still looking at Bijay but he was looking at the cups while the tea inside it cooled down. They remained quiet for a moment. A few older men came rushing inside and sat on the tables in the front rows.

Then Suraj pointed to himself and said, “Look at me. Why do you think I left playing? It was not a choice. I just needed to do it. For everyone’s sake, for my family, for myself.”

“But I have a dream, and unlike you, I know I can make it?” After hearing Bijay, Suraj snorted in disapproval.

“You are still hallucinating. There’s nothing to dream about, brother,” he said. “It was just our childhood thing. We loved to kick the ball and we did it. But now, we are grown-ups. Now we have families to look after. Can you imagine how much your family is suffering just because of you?” He said, “You can’t be a footballer if you are born in this country. That’s the fact and you need to accept that. Just go away. Find a way to earn money. This country is rotting and if you stay here for long, you will get sick to death.”

Bijay looked outside the window, the streets were getting darker and more crowded. Now, the men in the first rows were discussing politics. They were unhappy with how the government handled the economic crisis and trade rules. One of them was constantly yelling with frustration. After finishing a cup of tea, Bijay woke up. “Let’s go out,” He said, hurriedly. He was already walking out when Suraj paid the bill. They didn’t talk much on the way back to Bijay’s room except once when they stopped to buy meat at the local meat farm.

Bijay unlocked the door and turned the lights on. While trying to close the door, he saw Gharbeti-uncle standing outside. He had noticed them entering inside the gate.

“How are you Bijay babu?” he asked with a loud, resonating voice.

“Good, uncle,” Bijay responds. Gharbeti-uncle peered inside the room and noticed Suraj, who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“He is my friend, uncle,” Bijay said before he asked anything more. “He is flying to Japan tomorrow. He is only here for the night.”

Suraj greeted Gharbeti-uncle, who nodded in return.

“Okay,” he said, then looked away and then towards Bijay.

“Is there any problem uncle?” Bijay asked in a low polite tone.

“No. I was only wondering if you were going to pay the rent today or…”

“Give me a few days.” Bijay interrupted. “I will surely bring it in two or three days.”

“I think you have said it twice already,” Gharbeti-uncle said, louder this time, “I can’t trust you anymore.”

Bijay looked back at the bed where Suraj was lying, head up, listening to their conversation. Bijay turned around and spoke to Gharbeti-uncle in a low voice, “I am sure, uncle. I have been low on cash recently… But it won’t take more than two days. I swear to you.”

Gharbeti-uncle looked unconvinced. Still frowning, he turned around and went away. Bijay locked the door.

Bijay turned the lights off after having a meal. They remained silent for a long time scrolling their phones. Then Suraj spoke, “Hey, I am sorry for everything I said. I cannot leave you like this.”

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Suraj asked again, this time looking straight at Bijay’s face.

“You don’t have to be sorry when you are the one who is right. I think now, I am just wasting my time here. I must move on. But I can’t just leave everything and go away. My heart always takes me back. Maybe, I will try for one more year. If things don't change then I guess, I will give up and probably try outside.”

“You don’t have to care about others but keep calling your mom and dad. They are worried about you,” Suraj said, trying to console his friend.

“Okay, okay but leave it now… When did you say the take-off is tomorrow?” Bijay changed the topic.

‘Morning, Eight Forty-Five.”

“And how long does it take to reach Tokyo?”

“Seven hours.”

“Wow…. that is a long-long flight, isn’t it?” Bijay said in amusement.

The next day, after leaving his friend at the international terminal, Bijay returned back to his room. Room was messy with plates to clean and everything spread around. After doing all the cleaning, he was making the bed, when he pulled up one of the pillows, he found some cash lying under it. There were eight notes of thousand rupees and a small piece of paper. On the paper it was written: ‘Accept it as a gift from an old friend. But if you want to return it, I hope you double it when I need help.’

Bijay read each word repeatedly, many times. It was meant to make him smile, but he didn't. He looked up at the ceiling where a small lizard was hanging upside down, clinging to the roof with its limbs, completely still.