Manisha Dhakal, whose journey of exploring and accepting herself began as volunteering in hiding at Blue Diamond Society (BDS), says, “When I see pride and admiration in the eyes of fearless young LGBTQIA+ volunteers joining the BDS, I remember my journey, which was the opposite,”

She was secretive about her involvement with BDS—especially with her family, living in constant fear and anxiety about potential consequences if her secret was revealed. Today, she serves as the executive director of BDS, the foremost LGBTQIA+ rights organisation in the country.

Dhakal, a transgender woman, is also a founding member of the Asia-Pacific Transgender Network and represents South Asia. She served as a former co-chair on the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) Asia board and is a board member of the International Reference Group on Transgender Women and HIV/AIDS (IRGT).

Over the past 23 years, she has actively contributed to Nepal’s LGBTQIA+ rights movement through projects on HIV/AIDS, human rights activism, constitutional campaigns, advocacy, capacity building and academic research.

Reflecting on her childhood, she recalls being different from her male friends. She’d much rather play with choosing dolls and try out makeup than do the more typical activities associated with young boys. Bullied by classmates and teachers, she found refuge at Ratnapark in Kathmandu.

“There was no space for me to open up at home, with relatives, or at school. Finding people like me in Ratnapark felt like the greatest opportunity in life,” she shares, emphasising how the park became a sanctuary for her during her free time.

While spending time in Ratnapark, in the year 2000, Dhakal met a man who gathered individuals like her and proposed the idea of creating a safe space. This person turned out to be none other than Sunil Babu Pant, the founder of BDS.

Reflecting on that moment now, she calls it a “big moment in her life”, but at the time, even meeting Pant wasn’t particularly significant for her.

“We often faced blackmail and harassment from the police due to our identities. Living in the shadows, we were always cautious. So, when Pant sir initially suggested forming an organisation, we suspected he might be an undercover police officer too,” she shares.

Gradually, Dhakal and her friends began to trust Pant. While her friends joined BDS in 2001, Dhakal, still in college, hesitated. It wasn’t until 2002 that she started working discreetly at BDS.

As she began understanding herself and LGBTQIA+ rights, a news article surfaced about a group of transgender people opening an office in Kathmandu. In response, Dhakal, like her friends, went underground as nobody in her family was aware of her involvement.

When her family discovered her association with BDS, chaos ensued at home. They prohibited her from going to BDS, believing it to be a place that would bring shame to the family. She stayed home for a few days, torn between family expectations and her job.

“It was a moment of not just battling with my family but also with myself. I had finally found a space where I felt free, and being barred from going there felt like being caged. Family conflicts are the most challenging battles, after all.”

When she was contemplating quitting, Pant encouraged her not to give up. Despite her family’s disapproval, she persisted in trying to make them understand her perspective. Eventually, they allowed her to work as long as she stayed out of the media, a balance she attempted to maintain, though not always successfully.

Her family had subscriptions to national dailies, including Kantipur and Gorkhapatra and everyone tuned in regularly to read the news. When news about BDS or the LGBTQIA+ community appeared, her brother would hide those papers as her family hadn’t accepted her identity by then, they were only tolerant of it. From concealing newspapers to embracing her identity, her family has made remarkable progress over time.

It’s incredible how she started as a secret volunteer and, with dedication and skill, progressed from an office assistant to coordinator, officer, manager, deputy director and now, after 23 years, serves as the executive director of BDS.

Dhakal is a significant contributor to court pleadings on behalf of LGBTQIA+ individuals before the Supreme Court of Nepal, a case leading to a landmark verdict in 2007. The decision directed the government to enact laws ensuring equal rights for LGBTQIA+ citizens. Even though the country did not criminalise LGBTQIA+ individuals at the time, there were no supportive legal policies and frameworks. BDS filed a case against the government of Nepal for excluding sexual and gender minorities.

During the court hearing on December 21, 2007, Dhakal, representing BDS and the community, spoke for three crucial minutes, shaping the court’s decision. The verdict mandated the government to audit all Nepali laws for discrimination based on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI), establish a committee to study same-sex marriage possibilities, and allow trans people to self-declare their gender on legal documents.

“Those three minutes felt like a life-and-death moment for me. I was determined to speak up but also nervous, thinking what if I couldn’t articulate the main problems faced by the community? As I spoke, even tears filled my eyes,” she recalls.

Despite her nervousness, Dhakal’s presentation was impactful. The judges acknowledged that her three minutes were crucial, presenting them with the community’s pain and influencing their decision. Her speech is still remembered and discussed by many.

While the court case and fight back then were challenging, witnessing today’s LGBTQIA+ youth expressing themselves freely in a supportive space makes it feel worthwhile for Dhakal. However, there’s much she wants to do, not only for LGBTQIA+ issues but also for climate change and other social problems. Being an activist and managing her personal and professional life hasn’t been easy, and she has also struggled with mental health problems.

She has been with her partner, a cisgender man, for fourteen years. Her partner played a supportive role, assisting her in dressing in female clothes and seeing her off to the office when she had to rush in male attire from home. However, her partner faced family rejection and struggled with mental health, and she, too, experienced caregiver anxiety.

Drawing from her own experiences, she passionately advocates for mental health awareness. She acknowledges the difficulties of life when one can’t be themselves and isn’t accepted by family and society.

Despite her past challenges, she encourages everyone not to make harmful decisions when dealing with mental health issues and emphasises the importance of seeking support systems. There are now several mental healthcare systems and organisations working for LGBTQIA+ individuals.

Dhakal reflects, “Sometimes I wish an organisation like BDS was present back then.” She recalls an incident when a man claiming to be the police blackmailed her about her identity and frightened, she gave him her watch, avoiding Ratnapark for months. Without knowledge of her rights, she couldn’t fight back then.

In the past, Dhakal couldn’t confidently express her gender. She dressed as a man while commuting to work and changed in a rented room. She also remembers enduring painful waxes and taking unsupervised birth control pills for testosterone hormone control, which is dangerous.

Dhakal is dedicated to raising awareness and creating support systems for clinical supervision and counselling in gender transformation. Her advocacy and initiatives have led to the establishment of a hormone counselling clinic at the Family Planning Association of Nepal (FPAN) in Pulchowk, Lalitpur, offering gender-affirmative care with endocrinologists, gynaecologists and counsellors.

Reflecting on her past, she describes experiences like blackmailing, bullying and discrimination as silent traumatic events that contributed to her mental health problems. “I am working so that nobody has to go through those experiences again.”

Having faced numerous challenges and fears, she accepts, “It’s not like I was always brave; I have run away too.”

When she was in her early teens, people used to tease her for sounding like a girl, she intentionally used to make her voice heavy and walk and try to act like a boy. She frequently hid while working at the BDS, and it took a long time before she fully came out to her family.

“People often wonder why I persevered despite all the challenges. The reason is simple: it’s about my life, nature and identity. I couldn’t change who I am, even in death. Switching to a different profession wouldn’t alter me or my life,” she reflects.

Dhakal realised that if she didn’t stand up for herself and others like her, no one else would. What started as a fight for her life and her friends has evolved into a battle for the entire LGBTQIA+ community. She is determined to continue advocating for equality and fairness until her last breath, hoping the younger generation will carry on this legacy.

Her future goals involve advocating to bridge the gap between the legal rights mentioned in the constitution and their implementation in Nepal for the LGBTQIA+ community. This includes legal gender recognition and marriage equality. She is resolute in addressing the citizenship issue for transgender individuals and aims to create an environment where LGBTQIA+ individuals can be self-sufficient, income-generating and embraced.