I have often come across an interesting contrast when meeting and talking with people on the topic of appreciation; there are those who have been told that they are loved and appreciated, and on the other side, there are those who have never been told any of these. This concept of appreciating people may seem like a small deal, in fact, most people wouldn’t even consider this to be an important topic of interest. However, genuine appreciation has such an amazing impact on people, and this is especially true for young and growing children.

In the 60s, Dr Haim Ginott emphasised the importance of love and affection in children. He explained the importance of validating children’s feelings and expressing love and affection to foster a healthy parent-child relationship. Psychologist Carl Rogers added upon this and explained that simply loving our children isn’t enough. We have to love them unconditionally, he said—for who they are, not for what they do.

The issue here is not that children are not loved by their parents, they are. It is that most children have never been told that they are loved by their parents. This is not the parents’ fault either; it’s just what we have been taught and what we have seen around us. We don’t normally say how much we appreciate someone and that we love them with a sincere heart because of the fact that it is not something we have been taught. However, it has been observed that if children don’t feel that their parents accept, appreciate and love them, they develop various mental health problems, like low self-esteem, chronic feelings of depression, insecurity, worthlessness and many others, while the opposite can be told for children who feel valued and appreciated by their parents. They grow up to show gratitude with positive affect, optimism and satisfaction with social relationships.

It is certain that appreciation is tied to a child’s growth and development in certain ways and levels. However, we also have to understand how to show appreciation because the way people receive appreciation and love can drastically vary from one person to another. This has been wonderfully explained by Gray Chapman in his book ‘The Five Love Languages’. It is so very important to show appreciation in the right way because while some people will feel appreciated when they are praised for what they did, others may want gifts or even simply some positive or encouraging words.

Unfortunately, what we do come across in our daily lives is drastically different. Couples in relationships might feel as if they aren’t being loved by their partner. Employees in workplaces might feel as if their bosses or managers are only concerned with the work they do and not their personal well-being. Students in schools might feel as if all their teachers care about is assignments. Children and adolescents might feel as if their parents don’t really care about their opinions and emotions.

The thing here is that this is what most couples, employees, students or children feel or assume, and this might not necessarily be true. The truth could be completely opposite, but because they have never been told verbally or shown that they are truly appreciated for who they are the way they want. Hence, the gap.

Take a moment to think and ponder if you have truly shown gratitude and appreciation to anyone recently. Have you told your parents how much you love them? Have you, from the bottom of your heart, appreciated them for all they have done for you? What about your significant other? Have you told them how much you appreciate having them in your life and that you care about them? Have you seen what your children are up to these days? Have you asked them how they are doing? Have you asked the people around you to put in the effort at work? Have you told them that they are doing great and they can be better? And finally, have you appreciated yourself for all you have done and been through? Have you taken a moment, like really taken a moment, to ponder and appreciate the moment you are at and told yourself that you are doing great?

A lot of these might be small things that might seem like a candle in the daylight, but for some, it can be that lantern in the darkness that guides them. You don’t need to do something big. You just have to show that you care and are willing to listen to their worries and help them through it. You can start with small steps. Show them that you can try. Show them that you are willing to put in the effort. So, have you really shown gratitude and appreciation? If not, then, why not start? Why not say something nice to the person beside you? It just might make their day.