A harrowing incident last month of two teenage girls from ward 8 of Dhakari Rural Municipality in Achham district being killed by a pair of teenage boys has shaken Nepal. The girls, who had gone to a nearby forest to herd goats, were bludgeoned to death for refusing physical intercourse with their lovers, as suggested by early police investigation. The boys were reported to be involved in coercion, asking the girls to have physical relations with them, with the assurance that they would marry after five or six years. This is not an isolated case of juveniles’ involvement in sexual crimes. In September last year, the District Court in Udayapur sentenced a 15-year-old boy to 14 days for raping a three-year-old girl. Similarly, in March last year, two young boys were arrested on the charge of raping a five-year-old girl. The list, unfortunately, goes on and on.

Such crimes not only lay bare the perpetual violence experienced by young women and girls but also indicate how we as a nation have failed to teach our boys and young men about consent and respect. Women’s autonomy and safety are constantly under threat in a society where men define and enforce the idea of consent. In the name of a love affair, coercion or even a crime is justified. The institutions that should be responsible for shaping attitudes on gender and relationships have largely failed in their job.

Take marriage. In 2022 alone, 2,387 marital rape cases were filed, and the number was 1,567 as of March 2023. We can infer from this that women are not aware that rape can happen even in marriage as they are nurtured to be submissive to their partners, and men don’t want to accept it as a crime. In such an environment, how can families teach their youngsters about consent and choice? And what will children learn from their parents? As a result, young boys, barely out of childhood, feel emboldened to coerce girls.

Our education system is flawed, too, as experts point to a troubling lack of consent awareness among boys in Nepal. By contrast, England has made relationship education compulsory in all primary schools and relationship and sex education mandatory in all secondary schools. By incorporating this education in curriculum, the English are helping their pupils make informed decisions about themselves, respect others’ choices, and be mindful of consent both in physical form and on online platforms. But, in our context, sexual education itself is a taboo, and teachers and students are not comfortable discussing it. This creates a significant gap in awareness.

A pilot survey carried out among 120 undergraduate students in Kathmandu as a part of the ALIN Solutions Fellowship 2022—with the approval of the Nepal Health Research Council—highlighted a glaring lack of sexual consent awareness among the surveyed students. It also underscored the need for a “more comprehensive approach to sexual education”. If such surveys are held on a mass scale, especially in rural areas to target youngsters as well as families unaware of sexual consent, they can help undermine the notion of toxic masculinity in boys and gender biases in societies. Addressing the systemic issues that allowed the Achham tragedy is vital, and a meaningful change is possible only through a comprehensive consent education for all.