“How can I be more positive?”

“I want to have a positive mindset and not have any negativity in my life anymore.”

These are common concerns voiced in therapy sessions. Clients often come seeking therapy to overcome their "negative" feelings and embrace the positive.

However, it's essential for those seeking therapy to ask: is this goal truly healthy? Consider the example of a new mother living abroad with her supportive husband. Despite her comfortable life, the birth of her child has intensified her feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially since she's far from her family. Similarly, a woman in her 30s feels a lack of energy and enthusiasm for her household chores, despite her mother-in-law's encouragement to cheer up and be more active.

These scenarios illustrate what is known as "toxic positivity." It involves negating and avoiding unpleasant emotions while emphasising pleasant ones. It's like a compulsion to always feel good, regardless of the circumstances. While embracing positivity, such as gratitude, can be healthy, it becomes detrimental when used to dismiss unpleasant emotions.

Toxic positivity often creeps in when we seek emotional support from others. Phrases like "You have so much to be grateful for" or "You should consider yourself lucky" can push us to bury our true feelings and pretend everything is fine. This pressure we internalise can make us avoid and deny our emotions.

Consequently, this belief influences our thoughts and actions. Both the individuals in the examples above feel compelled to push away their unpleasant emotions. They want to escape from them and stop feeling that way.

This is actually a common misunderstanding. We don't need to fix our feelings of despair, anxiety, and sorrow. In fact, we might even benefit from therapy when we experience these emotions. Emotions are essential signals that help us navigate life. Both pleasant and unpleasant emotions serve a purpose and bring balance to our lives. Without experiencing sadness and despair, we can't fully appreciate happiness and hope.

Furthermore, toxic positivity can set up unrealistic expectations and feed into feelings of inadequacy. We might feel pressured to keep up a facade of happiness, even when we're struggling internally. This gap between our true feelings and our outward appearance can strain relationships and weaken trust.

For the new mother, feeling lonely is valid despite the material comfort she might have. It's natural to feel homesick when living far from home, especially during significant life events like childbirth. Acknowledging her loneliness can encourage her to seek connections and support in her community.

Similarly, feeling lazy and tired while doing household chores is understandable. Acknowledging these feelings can help the elderly woman prioritise self-care and rest instead of pushing herself too hard.

Negative emotions offer insights into our needs, desires, and boundaries. By embracing and exploring these emotions, we build resilience and develop healthier coping mechanisms. This process enables us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Being authentic fosters genuine connections and enhances emotional intimacy. When we share our pain, difficulties, and insecurities, we find solace and the support we deserve. This openness encourages others to do the same, strengthening bonds and fostering empathy. In this supportive environment, personal growth and healing thrive.

While positivity has its benefits, it's crucial to acknowledge the dangers of toxic positivity. Suppressing negative emotions not only harms our mental health but also robs us of opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Every negative experience isn't necessarily bad; it can be a catalyst for resilience and character development, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time.

Rather than chasing constant happiness, it's important to embrace all our emotions and be authentic with ourselves and those around us. By acknowledging our true feelings and being open to vulnerability, we become more understanding, empathetic, and humane.