Often, our memories from the past can feel blurry. When asked about significant moments, it’s not uncommon to draw a blank. I’ve noticed that my childhood memories only come to me in small bursts. While this may seem normal, there could be an underlying mechanism at play.

Dealing with intense emotions like shame, anger, betrayal and sadness can be challenging. I’ve found myself deliberately forgetting experiences tied to these emotions because it felt easier to brush them aside.

This coping mechanism has a name: suppression. Suppression is when we push unpleasant thoughts and feelings out of our minds. Many of us tend to distract ourselves from difficult emotions by turning to activities like watching TV, eating or exercising instead of addressing what’s going on inside. It’s often more comfortable to focus on external things that don’t demand our immediate attention.

Handling emotions, especially anger, in the heat of the moment can be challenging. It’s not always necessary or healthy to address anger right away. Temporarily choosing to suppress and process it later can be a helpful approach. Addressing these emotions at our own pace in the future is considered a healthy way to deal with them.

However, if we never revisit and address these emotions, it becomes unhealthy. They don’t disappear; they linger in the subconscious. Even though the emotions remain hidden, they can have a lasting impact on the body, leading to anxiety, depression and an increased risk of addiction and aggression. This can also manifest as physical symptoms such as stomach pain, headache, constipation, heightened heartbeat and insomnia, even when medical tests show no serious illnesses.

Emotional suppression often traces back to early childhood experiences. If, as a child, my anger was shamed, and I was told it was “bad” to feel angry, learning to always appear “happy” became ingrained unconsciously. In situations where I am disrespected or devalued, I might respond with a smile. Feeling angry becomes challenging because the shame associated with it makes me see it as unacceptable, leading to its suppression.

Emotions, when examined closely, provide valuable insights into our inner and outer worlds. They convey essential information about ourselves and our surroundings, guiding us in solving problems.

Take fear, for instance. If we sense a potential threat, like an unfamiliar person or animal approaching in an empty street, feeling fear signals that there’s imminent danger. It prompts us to either freeze or flee. Similarly, when we acknowledge that we’ve treated others unfairly, we may feel guilty, leading us to take responsibility and make amends.

By paying attention to our emotions, we gain a better understanding of the messages they convey. Decoding this information helps us adjust our behaviour. For example, after a breakup, feeling overwhelmed may tempt us to shut down and ignore our emotions. However, we can choose to listen to the emotions of hurt and betrayal, rather than taking the easier route of suppressing and avoiding them.

I can ask myself, “What do I really need right now?” Identifying my urgent needs, like comfort and care, allows me to turn to my support system for help. Instead of avoiding intense emotions, I can make space for them, treating them as companions rather than adversaries.

Recognising and allowing our emotions helps us endure them more effectively. When we don’t keep emotions hidden, they don’t overwhelm us as much. This leads to embracing a healthy way of regulating emotions. Improved emotional regulation contributes to better mental and physical health. Eventually, we realise that, despite their challenges, emotions are essential. They shape our identity, strengthen connections, and allow us to express love.