Ghost loverI am in my late 20s and my mother wants me to settle down. She always comes to me with all the marriage proposals from our relatives. I have told her about him but now, I am not sure of him anymore. I don’t know what I should do. Please help.
I knew a guy from my college days but we weren’t very close then. But after 10 years, he sent me a friend request on Facebook and we reconnected. We started talking frequently and realised that we both have feelings for each other.
When we reconnected, he was already a government employee. He used to encourage me to apply for better jobs. I felt that he was very kind and supported towards me and that my future is with him. He also used to talk about our future together in the two years since we started our relationship.
But everything changed since this April—when I resigned from my job. For some reason, he stopped calling or texting me. When finally one day I got a hold of him, I asked him if he was still serious about me. He responded positively but then he went back to ignoring me.
I am in my late 20s and my mother wants me to settle down. She always comes to me with all the marriage proposals from our relatives. I have told her about him but now, I am not sure of him anymore. I don’t know what I should do. Please help.
I am as confused as you are after reading your letter. I am not sure what has led to the breakup—is it because you’ve left the job? It is very peculiar if that is the case. This guy has stopped texting or calling you but still says that he sees a future with you?
Let me tell you outright—you don’t want a future with him. From your letter, it seems like he is the kind of guy who likes ghosting people and that is not the personality trait you should be ignoring. He is making no effort to get in touch with you, let alone understand your feelings. This is ridiculous!
But for a moment, let’s give him the benefit of doubt—maybe he is in some sort of trouble. Even so, it is important that he communicates that to you, especially if he claims to see his future with you. Think about it—how will you have a sound relationship with a person who just disappears or blocks you out whenever he is going through tough times.
You’ve also mentioned that you’ve reconnected through Facebook. But you are not clear whether you guys frequently saw each other in person or just relied on online and text messaging. If you only had online or text or phone communication, then I am sorry to say—this was bound to happen. If this is not the case, and you used to meet him frequently then it further highlights his problematic approach to the relationship.
You have also mentioned that your mother is encouraging you to get married. I think this is not a good idea. You have to look at your problem through two lenses—your relationship issue with this guy and your mother pushing for marriage.
Just because your relationship with this guy didn’t work, it doesn’t mean you jump to another one. Take time for yourself and try to evaluate where you stand right now—emotionally. It is important to be in a healthy state of mind to start a new relationship. From what you’ve written, you are still attached to this guy. So, it is not the right time for you to start courting someone else—let alone marry them.
It is important that you remove yourself from both these situations and find the right way. You are in your late 20s and believe me, regardless of social pressure, you don’t have to give in to your mother’s wishes. Understand your emotional and physical needs before you jump into any decision.
If you want to, you can try talking to the guy again—for closure. But my advice is to not depend on him so much. It seems like he has moved on and you should too. Although it is easier said than done—you are so much more than relationships or marriage. Good luck with your future and I hope that you find your calling!