During Dashain, the Bhandari family from Kathmandu gathered at their ancestral home in the east Nepal town of Damak in Jhapa district. Amid the festive atmosphere, Matrika Bhandari sat on the terrace with his five-year-old son, Soham. Soham tugged at his father’s sleeve, eager to show him the kites his cousins were flying outside.

However, Bhandari’s attention was elsewhere—he was engrossed in his phone, scrolling through TikTok videos.

After several failed attempts to get his father’s attention, Soham gave up. He wandered over to a corner of the room, found his tablet, and started playing a game.

Later that evening, during dinner, Bhandari complained to his relatives, “I just don’t know what to do with Soham. Children of today can’t live without phones… He’s always glued to his tablet!”

Ironically, as he voiced this concern, he was checking a WhatsApp message on his phone. What Bhandari failed to notice was the reflection of his habits in his son’s growing attachment to screens.

It’s the time of festivals again, and familiar scenes of families and relatives coming together are playing out. Yet another common sight will be children and teenagers huddled in the living room, their heads bowed over their phones.

Conversations will often start with parents and relatives lamenting that children have become ‘addicted’ to their phones—a topic that is sure to come up at almost every Nepali family gathering this festive season.

However, what often goes unnoticed is that in many such living room gatherings, it’s not only the younger generation immersed in screens; their parents are just as preoccupied.

It’s common to see parents handing their phones to children to keep them entertained or distracted while they focus on work, or playing videos like ‘Baby Shark’ during mealtime to help their kids eat. And the parents are busy with social media.

Research says parents’ excessive use of phones influences their children’s screen habits—and this link is often overlooked.

This isn’t without consequences.

A study published in PubMed found that greater child and parental exposure to electronic media was linked to a smaller expressive vocabulary at age 2 and negatively impacted language development by age 5.

Another study involving parents of 421 Estonian children between the ages of 2.5 and 4 years old revealed that parents who spent more time on screens had children who also used screens more frequently. These children exhibited poorer skills in grammar and vocabulary.

The study, which was published in the journal ‘Frontiers’, emphasises the importance of parent-child verbal interactions in language development.

Consider Dipika Jha from Maitighar, Kathmandu, a mother who once enjoyed imaginative tea parties with her daughter Kenjal. By the time Kenjal turned four, Dipika’s attention had shifted to her phone during their playtime. As Dipika scrolled through her social media feeds, Kenjal’s attempts to engage her mother grew increasingly desperate.

Over time, Kenjal stopped trying and became increasingly silent. It was only a year later through Kenjal’s teacher that Dipika realised that her emotional absence was stunting Kenjal’s emotional development.

Kenjal has begun to mimic her mother’s detachment. This lack of parental engagement was diminishing her ability to express emotions and build meaningful relationships.

Research supports this growing detachment. The 2024 study published in ‘Frontiers’ also found that children’s emotional intelligence is negatively impacted by their parents’ phone use.

When parents use screens in the presence of their children, the outward appearance of distraction sends a powerful message, “I’m not present.” This leads to what researchers call ‘still face,’ an expressionless appearance that can further inhibit a child’s ability to develop emotional skills.

This parental ‘technoference’—the interference of technology in routine parent-child interactions—has far-reaching effects.

According to a 2023 cohort study published in ‘JAMA Network’, children whose parents frequently used phones reported higher levels of anxiety, attention issues, and hyperactivity.

The study, which tracked over 1,300 children aged 9-11, found that parental phone use disrupts important emotional and social cues, contributing to developmental delays in children.

However, in today’s fast-paced work environment and digital landscape, many parents feel they have no choice.

Laxmi Upadhyay, a grocery shop owner and a parent of a nine-year-old from Lalitpur, says, ‘These days, everything from paying bills to shopping and work is tied to our phones. It may seem like parents are always on their phones, but it’s hard to avoid using them.”

Psychologist Bina Shrestha from “Mankaa Kura” (a mental health platform) says the solution isn’t for parents to avoid phones entirely, but tailoring the content they consume and their device habits.

She adds, “With work now tied to gadgets and phones, especially for parents juggling jobs and further studies, people spend a lot of their time on devices. In the past, it was easier to separate work from home, but now, phones blur that line, leading to a lack of emotional and social connection for children.”

According to her, from a child’s perspective, it often seems like their parents are constantly on their phones, and with the already poor communication patterns in many Nepali families, this lack of interaction creates a gap in parent-child relationships.

Anuja, a 16-year-old from Kalanki, has seen this play out firsthand.

Anuja (who the Post is identifying with a pseudonym for privacy) shared how her father, a reporter for an online media outlet, is always busy with his phone or laptop, even during family time.

“Even at home, during dinner or family time, his attention is divided between us and his devices. I miss having real conversations with him, and now my eight-year-old brother is following the same habit, constantly playing video games on his phone”, said Anuja.

The effects of this detachment are not only emotional but also behavioural, says psychologist Shrestha. Children, like Soham and Kenjal, mimic their parents’ screen habits, reinforcing a cycle of phone dependency that starts early and persists into adolescence.

Dangers though don’t end with emotional detachment.

With greater exposure to the internet comes heightened vulnerability.

Research conducted by Voice of Children and KNH Germany in 2023 showed that 38.6 percent of girls and 32.3 percent of boys reported receiving sexual calls and messages.

In fiscal year 2023-24, the Nepal Cyber Bureau recorded 635 cases of cyber violence involving children, up from 176 cases in fiscal year 2022-23—for a 260.8 percent rise.

As parents manoeuvre the digital age, the responsibility of guiding their children through it has never been more critical.

The irony of parents lamenting their children’s phone addiction while mirroring the same behaviour is a cycle that must be broken. Children are not born obsessed with screens—they learn it from the adults around them, says Shrestha.

According to Shrestha, parents should establish work timetables, just as children have study schedules, to help kids understand when it’s time for work and when it’s family time.

Parents should also explain to their children the purpose behind their phone or gadget usage.

“As a work-from-home parent, I’ve made it a point to help my young child understand that when I’m on my phone, I’m working, as this differentiation is crucial for young children to learn….Otherwise, children may simply mimic our behaviour of spending time on gadgets and become isolated.”

Many parents fall into the habit of giving their phones to their children to keep them occupied while they manage household chores. Shrestha warns that this practice diminishes critical parent-child interaction.

Instead, she suggests watching appropriate and fun content together, which can create bonding and interaction for the emotional and language development of children.

“Regulating screen time shouldn’t solely focus on limiting children’s usage; parents also need to manage their device habits. Children imitate parent’s behaviour so parents should model healthy interactions with technology”, she adds.