Our greatest stand-up comedian of all time, Mr KP Oli who also happens to be our Prime Monster is now in Delhi. Oli promised us that he would not visit India until the border blockade was lifted. Well, Birgunj is open now but it seems that there is more shortage of cooking gas and fuel than before.

Thanks to Nepal Police for being aggressive against black marketers, now, fuel and cooking gas will not end up in our houses even after paying three times more but it will end up in police stations and District Administration Offices. And we don’t know where it goes from there.

Maybe, you should contact the nearest police chauki if they have any petrol left so that you can buy a few litres for your bike. Maybe, we should just ask our Madhesi netas to go back and shut down Birgunj because it seems that our government agencies don’t want to ease the supplies of essential items because they still want to make more money in the black market.

Like all former Prime Monsters who have visited India earlier, Oli too will just eat chai and samosas and waste millions of rupees in our taxpayer’s money on the so-called state visit. We all know that our government will tell us that the visit was highly successful later on but it will probably amount to nothing. Our PM and his entourage will just be happy that they got to enjoy the trip and spend some time away from the country.

Oli is taking more than 46 freeloaders to India. And if you add our byaparies and other diplomats, the number will hit 100. They will mostly hang out in hotels, eat those free meals and visit places like tourists.

We are also waiting for our PM to visit Birgunj! It seems that our Pahadi politicians don’t have the courage to visit our plains. They have to be scared in their own country but claim that they will be on equal footing with the Desis and work out deals which will lead to a win-win situation for both our countries. But when it comes to India, the Desis are smart and they always win except in football of course.

Our lads have shown us that hard work and team spirit are needed to claim victory against one’s opponent. When will our politicians learn from our young footballers? Our politicians are lazy bums who only unite when it comes to looting the state funds but agree to disagree on everything else.

Our politicians know very well that unless they kiss some Desi arses, their political career will go nowhere. They need to be in the good books of the Desi Ambassador in town or else their kids won’t get government scholarships in India. They will not get funds for their election campaigns. They will get nothing. It seems that the Desi Ambassador is the man and if our politicians don’t bow down to him, they will lose their kurchi sooner or later.

Our civil servants never do their homework. They go to India and meet high-level officials there but they come home empty-handed. The Indian civil servants will have stayed up all night for weeks before meeting their Nepali counterparts. The Desis will use all the tricks they know to get a better deal for their country while our civil servants will just beg them to provide scholarships to their kids but will keep quiet even if Nepal gets a bad deal out of everything.

Oli is visiting Gujarat to learn about post-earthquake reconstruction work. It’s been almost 10 months since we got hit by the Big One but our incompetent government has yet to carry out any reconstruction works in the country. Oli thinks he has shown us the way by telling us that he will contribute one month’s salary for the reconstruction of our Dharahara.

What is 6,000 rupees when you are making millions of rupees in shady deals each day? He has requested us to contribute as well. We all know that the money will not go to build Dharahara, or, even if it’s built, it will be just another half-baked

job instead of building one to stand a 8.0 or more.

First, KMC should pay compensation to the families who lost their loves ones when the Dharahara crashed during the Big One. The private company who ran the show should also be held liable and the government should seek compensation from them as well. But this is the land where so-called martyrs get a million rupees for throwing stones and vandalising public property and then getting shot by the police whereas our athletes who did us proud in the recent SAG get a few lakh rupees.

Maybe, we should just start a Citizen Sports Fund where we can all contribute and award more prize money for our winners. A lakh rupees won’t even get you a bike. Five lakhs will get you a bike, a laptop, a smart phone and not much. Our footballers should get at least Rs 50 lakhs each so that they can at least buy six annas of land in the outskirts of the valley and be able to afford to build a three to four room home.

But of course, our government doesn’t care. Ganesh Thapa made more than 50 karods and he is enjoying the good life. Nepali football went downhill under Thapa’s looting spree and we won nothing. Now, he is out but still has 50 kaords but still our young lads have shown us that if they are united and work as a team, anything is possible.

Oli will also be visiting Mumbai. Instead of hanging out with Desi byaparis there, he should host a one night comedy show where he can invite all of Bollywood stars and raise some funds for Dharahara. Let us hope that Oli will enjoy his India visit and he should visit as many countries as possible because in a few months, his time will be up and we will have another clown in Baluwatar enjoying the loot. v

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at [email protected]